When we fail to search within ourselves for the answers to some of the issues we have, we may find ourselves stressed.
Searching within ourselves can make a difference between a life that just moves us along without us having control, or a life that leaves us happier because we have control. Instead, we may use our routine as an excuse to avoid thinking about the issues we have that seems too difficult or painful to confront.
Unfortunately though:
It has been a constant battle for me trying to maintaining full control. Where I thought I had control I didn’t, because there was always someone who had other ideas for me. It is important to try to maintain control.
In my formative years I was always struggling around control. In some respects, it becomes the norm on what we deal with and with whom. Our lives should be ours, but we're not always in the driving seat. If we’re not in control on our decisions, someone else is.
Something inspirational:
“Poor is the soul whose pleasure depends on the permission of others.”
MADONNA
When I look back at my childhood it’s not difficult to see why I was angry. Living with a disability I didn't know I had, with no choices and having played no part in my decisions, I went on to live with guilt for many years, thinking I could and should have done better.
Self-compassion
No one should feel they are to blame if they're not. Self-compassion isn’t easy. Where we extend compassion to ourselves in times when we’re emotionally struggling, we have self-compassion. Without it, it's easy to continue to apportion blame on ourselves for our past. That was me.
Being kind and mindful
Being kind to yourself, being mindful and responsive to your thoughts around your experiences without beating yourself up every time those thoughts come into your mind, you can learn about self-compassion.
Own what's yours
If we’re genuinely not to blame, what we feel needs to be redirected elsewhere. The onus shouldn't be on us. We should own what's ours and relinquish blame. If we are to blame, we need to understand what we have done.
Whether our mistakes lie with us, or with someone else, it is important to let go of the baggage and this is where self-compassion comes in.
Jesse Ramos used to have a cerebral palsy blog, but the link is no longer available. If it is reinstated I will put it back on.
Something inspirational:
“We are not on this earth to accumulate victories, things and experiences, but to be whittled and sandpapered until what’s left is who we truly are.”
ARIANNA HUFFINGTON
Today I’m going in as a day patient to my local hospital for minor surgery. Nothing serious and I’m not worried. I’d like to add one or two quotes to the feature page in the meantime and will also include a link to Jesse Ramos’ site, someone who also deals with Cerebral Palsy. I would love you to read his story.
Empathy and sympathy are closely related, but both have different connotations.
Empathy is about feeling what someone else feels, whilst sympathy is about action. When you meet someone with empathy it isn't difficult to see they are sympathetic too. Someone who is sympathetic but not empathetic, may fail to connect emotionally with others.
Words express thoughts, but it’s acting on those words that show that we care. As the saying goes 'actions speak louder than words' and I believe that to be true.
A little bit more about empathy:
Empathy is also the building block to relationships and that’s what relationships need to thrive on. Everyone can sympathise but not everyone can empathise.
Tomato and roast pepper summer soup
Ingredients:
4 large red peppers
4 large beef tomatoes
2 onions chopped
700ml vegetable stock
Basil oil to serve
Fresh basil leaves for finishing
Pepper for seasoning
French baguette to serve
Method:
Preheat the oven to 220°C
Halve the peppers length ways and place face down on oiled baking tray
Season with pepper to taste and roast for 50 minutes
Fifteen minutes before the end of roasting, add the tomatoes
Meanwhile cook the onion in the saucepan with a little of the stock, until the onion has softened
Take the vegetables out of the oven and leave to cool
Peel the skin off and add to the onion pan, along with the rest of the stock and add seasoning
Bring to the boil and then simmer for 5 minutes
Liquidise the soup and serve with a drizzle of basil oil, fresh basil and French baguette on the side
Something inspirational:
“The question we need to ask ourselves is whether there is any place we can stand in ourselves where we can look at all that's happening around us without freaking out, where we can be quiet enough to hear our predicament, and where we can begin to find ways of acting that are at least not contributing to further destabilization.”
RAM DASS
As we journey through life, we may accumulate various behaviour patterns that can keep us permanently stuck, as those patterns continue to impact our lives.
As a child it wasn't something I was consciously aware of. I also didn't have enough understanding around my circumstances to give me a clear direction of a way forward. There is no doubt I would have wanted a different path.
We may spend our lives convincing ourselves that it’s not us with the problem. In my case it wasn't my problem, but there will always be certain aspects we can change, regardless of whose fault it is.
It is often only when we begin to struggle with certain aspects of our life that we begin to see that we need to change.
We stay stuck when:
We may become scared at the prospect of having to work through any changes, however small. But when we decide it’s time to deal with familiar behaviour patterns that keep us stuck, we can finally move on.
I know because I was that child.
Something inspirational:
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
ANAIS NIN
With cerebral palsy, my confidence takes a knock in the summer months. With years of having to conform to the summer months with a physical disability, I always struggle this time of year.
Summer shoes and summer clothes highlight my struggles. The winter months don’t get to me in the same way. I’ve also been to the hospital this week to get some more lesions checked out and those will need removing at some point. They've been checked so there’s nothing to worry about.
The break in temperature from the hot spell we’ve been having should help. I struggle with what I deal with in the hot temperatures.