Stressful days are inevitable. We don’t escape them, instead we must endure them. Although I don’t always have a resolve on some of my issues, I'd like to think I work through my stress reasonably well.

Even though stress is inevitable, we don’t always realise how much energy we use, what we put ourselves through mentally and emotionally, and how much we may struggle with our health as a result.

Unless we have a good support system in place, where we have others we can rely on, we may always struggle with stress. We’re not born knowing. For anyone dealing with stress, please know that you’re not alone.

Unless we walk a mile in another person’s shoes, we can never know what that person struggles with, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying to help.

It goes back to our core values and what we’re taught as children. We don’t start out with empathy or compassion, but we can develop those qualities if we choose to.

Putting others first shows others we’re selfless, as long as we’re doing it for good reason. It may be an attention seeking, or approval issue. We may learn from a small age that the way for us to gain approval from others, is for us to do what they want.

If more of us were selfless we'd live better lives, the world would be safer, and we would all get on better. We would give back. Putting others first doesn’t mean we deny ourselves of our own needs, we can do both. But if our core values are at the heart of our relationships, those relationships will prosper.

We should want to do what’s right. It should be instinctive, in us, part of our core values and a sense of who we are. That’s where we’re going wrong. Over the years, core values have continued to change and decrease in value and we’re not doing anything to turn that around.

Have you ever noticed how after a series of events, the same situation you started with still exists and you end up back at the place you initially chose to walk away from?

Even if we don’t believe in how the universe works, what is meant to happen will always find its way back to us. When things come full circle, we will always be brought back to that place. Whatever we were in doubts about will always come full circle, if that was the road we were meant to take initially.

That perhaps if we were more clued up or sure about ourselves, the things we let go of would still be in our lives. That we would make better decisions, rather than the decisions we go on to make and then find years down the line, we’re looking at those earlier decisions we perhaps should have made.

Life has a way of balancing and correcting. Timings, the decisions we make have a lot more to do with our perceptions and the decisions we go on to make. Positive and negative, good or bad timings are both equally occurring, but it’s easy to understand why we think bad and negative aren’t so much equal.

Bad things seem to take longer for us to work through than working through the good. There are lots of twists and turns, if only we understand those. We need to understand we are where we're supposed to be at any given time.

Coming full circle is fine, we mustn't fight against it. Knowing simply empowers us to understand the changes that we need to make. To allow us to see people and patterns occurring and deal with those differently.

Something inspirational:

"I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me."

RALPH ELLISON

I’m in the process of looking in to a makeover for my site. It will look sharper and more defined and as previously mentioned will be accessible on mobile phones and tablets and user friendly for the partially sighted.

I would like to ask whether you think there is anything missing from my site or if you can think of anything that would make your time on my site more enjoyable or make reading of my blogs easier.

If you do have any suggestions or there is any additional content you would like to see, please feel free to let me know.

Dreams bring to life unresolved issues, thoughts and feelings that we struggle to deal with through our conscious thoughts.

And even if we’re not seeing those as struggles, our unconscious won’t let those thoughts or feelings go until we recognise and deal with them. Dreams can allow us to let go of the guilt, regrets, dreams can even move the story on so that we get to finish the ending ourselves. Dreams help with emotional closure.

They allow us to move on where we couldn’t move on through our waking thoughts. Dreams allow us to tap into our unconscious, so bringing those issues not yet resolved to the forefront. Not only are dreams exaggerated so that we get the point, they offer a solution and plays out an ending in a way that allows us to bring closure.

Dreams help us compensate for the life we didn’t have, for the guilt we've had to carry, for the sorry we didn't get. They right a wrong, where we have been wronged. Dreams bring to light the feelings we have, buried amongst other feelings we thought we’d finished with. They can be a significant tool to help us release the hurt, but we must be prepared to let go.

Dreams can pave the way to a more calm and peaceful life. To interpret is to understand, is to let go, particularly if the same recurring dreams happen. Any recurrent thoughts not yet deal with, will unconsciously continue to lay dormant. The sad reality is that as we will always continue to carry the thought process unconsciously, until we’ve dealt with it.

Although dreams are symbolic and shouldn’t be taken literally, they are there for the reasons they need to be. We must learn to look for and understand why dreams are shown to us. As long as we remember our dreams, our feelings will be our best guide to interpreting our dreams.

Our dreams are part of us, they show us our life, to a certain degree how to get closure, if we are willing to accept our dreams are part of our past and they can show us a new ending.

My cerebral palsy has become progressive. I’ve heard others with the condition say the same thing. Where my affected side was weaker than my right, it is a lot weaker now.

Regardless of how I cope with cerebral palsy, my website will always be my priority. I am not giving up on that but my typing may be slower. The irony is that having gone through secretarial college not knowing I had a disability, I struggled to type let alone fast and I was picked on.

In typing speed tests, I was told I wasn’t quick enough and feeling disillusioned because others were doing so much better than me. What I didn’t know then was that my left arm was also affected. Something else I have to come to terms with.

I am not giving up on the notion that cerebral palsy isn't progressive. It is still possible, since there has been no testing or research into how we will age with the condition, but that doesn't mean it isn't.

Something inspirational:

"There is a voice that doesn't use words. Listen."

JALAL-ad-Din RUMI, Persian Poet, Mystic

Not enough listening and too much talking. Our job isn’t so much to give our opinion, but to listen instead, or better still, allow the other person to ask for an opinion, without us thinking it’s our given right to give one, let alone stand in judgment.

Perhaps that’s where we’re going wrong. We assume we have a given right, rather than think about what’s right or what the other person wants. To assume is to limit the mind. To assume is to accept without proof, neither of which will help us in the longer term.

Whether we’re a parent, teacher, or work in another professional capacity, it’s up to us to make sure we work with an open mind. We will never learn to communicate or understand other people’s wants or needs without listening effectively, or even listening at all. We can assume and think we know, but we can never know.

Unfortunately, when life revolves around our own wants and needs, we make our life about us and that’s the mode we live in most of the time. We don’t stop to think about others, we assume because we’re talking they must listen, when the reality is they’re talking, but it's us who should listen.

The world is made up of those who are full of their own self-importance. What they say usually goes, or matters and what others say, often pales into insignificance. We need to perhaps think about and put others first, listen more to what they have to say and come to understand what they expect from us. Communication is key.

When we take our ego out of the equation, we will learn to identify with people more on a soulful level. That means talking less, listening more and using mediation as a communication tool.

Ginger Parkin with Rhubarb

'Recipe adapted from bbc.co.uk'

Ingredients:

For the Parkin

150g/5½oz soft light brown sugar

150g/5½oz softened butter, plus extra for greasing

250g/9oz golden syrup

75g/2½oz black treacle

125g/4½oz oat flakes

175g/6oz self-raising flower

3 tbsp ground ginger

1 tsp ground nutmeg

1 tsp mixed spice

pinch of salt

2 free-range eggs, beaten

25ml/1fl oz milk

vanilla ice cream, to serve

For the rhubarb:

50g/1¾oz butter

75g/2½oz caster sugar

1 orange, zest only

4 sticks rhubarb cut into 5cm/2in lengths

For the syrup:

200g/7oz golden syrup

100ml/3½fl oz dry cider

½ tsp ground mixed spice

½ tsp ground ginger

¼ tsp ground nutmeg

Method:

Preheat the oven to 140C/275F/Gas 1 and butter a 30cm/12in x 20cm/8in cake tin

To make the Parkin, put the soft brown sugar, butter, syrup and treacle into a small saucepan and melt over a gentle heat

Place the oats, flour, ginger, nutmeg, mixed spice and a pinch of salt into a large mixing bowl, then add the eggs and milk.

Pour the melted butter and sugar mixture into the bowl and mix together with a whisk until it’s combined

Pour into the prepared tin and bake for 1¼ hours, or until firm in the centre

Remove from the oven and leave in the tin to cool before turning out and cutting into squares. This is best kept in a tin for 2-3 days, as it will become sticky all the way through

Now for the rhubarb, put the butter, sugar and five tablespoons of water in a large frying pan with the orange zest and rhubarb

Place the pan over a gentle heat to poach for 4-5 minutes, or until just tender, then remove it from the heat

To make the syrup, combine the golden syrup, cider and spices in a saucepan and bring it to the boil. Reduce the heat and cook for 3-4 minutes, or until just thickened

Serve the parkin in squares with a spoonful of rhubarb to one side and the syrup over the top

Finish with a scoop of ice cream

If like me you believe in spirit, your ‘spirit guides’ will deliver little signs that your loved ones are trying to communicate with you.

Spirit guides can be an angel, an animal, a mythical creature, a goddess, or an ancestor. They are universal forces that are here to help us. When something good happens or you’re struggling and just need help, your spirit guides deliver signs that remind you that your loved ones aren’t far away. That never diminishes.

I recall once, when out for a drive, little messages began to appear that showed my mum wasn’t far away. The car driving behind us, had part of a number plate that read ‘mum.’ On returning to the car, the car in front of us also displayed the word ‘mum’ on the number plate, then as I gazed over to my left, a white car also drove past, with ‘dad’ written on that number plate.

There are also other signs. White lights flickering, feathers that seem to appear from nowhere. The whole spiritual thing can send shivers down our spine for those who are slightly unnerved by the idea. The messages they leave us are tokens of love to say that they’re still around us, and that all is good.

For those who choose not to believe, they do so from a place of not wanting to know, or non-understanding. They may also be sceptics. Anyone who is unwilling to open their mind to the possibility that our loved ones are trying to connect, will be less opened minded in other areas of their lives too.

On our part, it’s about keeping an open mind. To know both my parents approved, together and at the same time was slightly weird, particularly as they weren’t always in sync with each other this side of life.

Something inspirational:

"Always let intuitive perception precede analysis."

DARBY BANNARD

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