We will always carry emotional hurt through any negative experiences. It’s how our emotions work.

Over time, unconsciously the emotional hurt we feel, will start to develop into bitterness, resentment and spiteful behaviour, but it is how we react to those hurts that define our character and our ability to live our life, without us inflicting our hurt on other people.

How emotional hurt works

Sadly, bitterness creates anger and is associated with spitefulness, but unless we make ourselves aware of the hurt from the primary source that hurt will continue to build into bitterness. When we're hurt, bitterness will always reside and be a part of us.

When we come to ignore any hurtful experiences, we unconsciously bind others to our pain, particularly because the pain we don't consciously know about, has nowhere else to go. Not dealing with our hurt, will cause us to lash out in anger through spite, in a way that will become hurtful to others and which is incorporated into our every-day speak.

It could be something someone says that we take offence to that initiates a hurtful response from us, which then becomes spiteful. Spiteful behaviour is motivated by being hurt. When someone says something with malicious intent to hurt, to get their point across, they’re being spiteful.

That person won’t think about the other person’s reasoning behind why they say what they say, instead they will simply lash out. Unless we continue to deal with negative or bitter experiences, we will always say and do things out of spite.

Sadly, there’s no getting away from that. Just best not being on the receiving end.

Growing up, my physical issues and emotional issues were never recognised or discussed. It wasn’t so much that I was silenced, I knew not to talk about it.

After my hospital and physiotherapy appointments nothing was ever discussed either. It was assumed I would go and that was it. It would be like losing a loved one that loved one never being spoken about, never existing.

When I first found out that I had cerebral palsy at the age of 46, I mentioned it briefly so that all my family were aware I knew, then it went back into the shadows. I was just expected to get on with it.

Even to this day, my disability is never out of the shadows. It’s like the elephant in the room. Everyone knows about it, they know it exists, they know it's there, but it's never spoken about.

The only time I discuss or mention it is when I blog about it on the site. It is a part of who I am. My disability should be spoken about because it exists.

Something inspirational:

“Never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter.”

SAMUEL J. HURWITT

It's because we care that we say what we feel: it’s usually the act, rather than the deed that gets us into trouble. Although we may get to say what we feel, others won't admit they could have handled themselves better.

It’s also a shame that others aren't honest with us when we come to say what we feel. When the other person goes on the defensive and makes the issue about us, getting where we want to be will be difficult. Being true to our feelings, to ourselves is something we must continue to do.

But for those who lack the courage or confidence to say what they feel, it’s something they must learn to overcome. In the long-term not saying what you feel, adds to anxiety and will create illness. There can be no peace in not saying what's on your mind.

Anything unspoken will always bubble away below the surface, until eventually the pressure mounts, we lose our perspective and the truth is lost. If the truth isn’t lost and we're upset, something will bleat out.

It’s always better to say something when things are clear and before our feelings take over. There is never a right time to speak out. What we say tends to rest on how the other person feels and where they are in their own personal space.

Having heard about Paddy McGuiness and his wife Christine’s heartbreak, over their four-year-old twins’ Autism diagnosis recently, I wanted to write about it because I not only feel sad, but I can also resonate.

I can draw parallels with them through my Sensory Processing Disorder (“SPD”). I understand why each day is a battle because it’s the same struggles brought forward into a new day, that never leaves you, that can flare up at any moment. It’s often difficult to escape the feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, knowing things can never change that life will never be normal.

When my senses are out of control, I too feel like I’m drowning under the strain and stress. Not being able to rationale, or find a resolve on something that seems quite straight forward to us, can leave us isolated. The feeling of panic, fear, anxiety, the not knowing how to deal with the issue.

I am pleased they have an early diagnosis for their children because that will make all the difference. Together with their positive approach, parenting skills and united attitude will help them become even stronger. Although this wasn't and isn't my life, it does make a difference when parents' and families support. Unlike my exposure, their children will be less exposed and their lives made so much easier.

Any disability can seem dark and daunting, particularly when every day is a struggle and there is no respite on what we deal with. Where Paddy McGuiness says: ‘some days, it feels like you’re slowly drowning. It’s like you’re under water desperately swimming up to get oxygen but never getting there.’ I can resonate with that totally.

Turning to Paddy's beautiful children, life may seem like an uphill battle, but with loving parents by their side, their children will have all the help they need. That sadly, wasn’t my life.

Today's blog is dedicated to the McGuiness family.

Summer Berry Pudding

'Adapted from a Recipe from Food Network.com'

Ingredients:

2 teaspoons grated lemon zest

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

1 loaf sliced white bread

1 vanilla bean

1 cup reduced fat double cream

8 cups mixed summer berries

1/4 cup sugar substitute

2 tablespoons agave syrup

Unsalted butter, for the dish

Method:

Place 4 cups of the berries with the sugar substitute, agarve syrup and lemon zest and juice in a medium saucepan

Bring to a boil over medium heat, then reduce the heat and simmer gently, uncovered for about 5-6 minutes until the berries burst

Remove from the heat and stir in the remaining 4 cups berries

Let cool

Butter the bottom and sides of a medium size souffle dish and line with plastic wrap

Trim off the bread crusts, then line the bottom and sides of the dish with a single layer of bread

trimming the slices as needed to cover the dish completely

Spoon half of the berries and juice into the dish

Cover with a layer of bread slices

Top with the remaining berries and finish with another layer of bread to completely seal the pudding

Pour any remaining juices over the top layer and cover with plastic wrap

Place a small flat plate on top and weigh it down with a large heavy can Refrigerate the pudding overnight

Before serving, split the vanilla bean lengthwise and scrape the seeds into a bowl

Add the cream and beat with a mixer until it holds soft peaks

Remove the plate and plastic wrap and place the dish in a sink filled with 1 inch of warm water to loosen the pudding

Place a serving plate on top, turn over the pudding onto the plate and remove the plastic wrap

Serve with the whipped cream

To discover the root cause of what you're dealing with, to free yourself from baggage requires honest introspection. Not knowing what the root causes are, steals your energy from the many positive influences you will then fail to recognise.

As is life, the build-up of what we carry or deal with, lies heavily sometimes. Over time, the weight of our baggage, responsibilities, grudges and regrets not only begin to affect our emotional health, but our physical health too.

Carrying baggage means we may struggle with guilt, brought about through the decisions others have made for us, primarily because we were given no choice and because we felt obliged to follow. With dutch courage, we can make different choices.

Introspection is something we can all do, but where emotional baggage will present itself in physical ailments like backache, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, headaches, feeling tired and rundown, not many of us will make the connection between our baggage and physical health.

A headache may seem like a headache, but it’s an issue waiting to be resolved. Not learning to use introspection, or deal with and be honest with yourself, contributes to suppressed emotions and illness. We must learn to introspect.

I can’t believe that I’ve had to deal with neglect and trauma. I also didn’t know that growing up with no emotional support, not knowing about my disability, not being able to talk about my feelings around a disability I didn't know I had, and having to pull myself through each day, was being etched into my psyche.

As my emotions continually spiralled out of control, the neglect and trauma manifested itself in anger. It is our families that must understand and want to help. Without these experiences, I wouldn’t be writing and so I reconcile.

But no one just gets over neglect or trauma, it’s something we must continue to work on. Experiences become lessons, but for the healing process to work, we must put physical and emotional distance between us and those who have hurt us.

Recognising neglect or trauma is one step forward towards healing. But having to constantly defend ourselves in those circumstances, or having to be on our guard, means we’re tied to unhealthy patterns, including control and submission and being on the receiving end of that, will continue to stay with us.

To recognise that we’re not to blame is very much a mental-health step forward. To understand that we have the power to change how we think, how we feel, and act is also another step forward on the road to recovery.

It is important we begin to recognise how people’s behaviour manifests, because it is through that recognition that we get to see the bigger picture around what we have to deal with.

It is important to accept what happens, because without it, it will be difficult to move on, but we must also remember that other people’s behaviour, isn’t about us. It’s about other people’s inability to see their own worth and how they feel about themselves. It's not about us.

On our part it is important we understand how they made us feel and don’t make those feelings personal to us. Lamenting the past and blaming ourselves for not changing other people’s patterns of behaviour is unhelpful and damaging, and reinforces where we are.

If we could change our experiences around those patterns, we wouldn’t be who we are through those experiences.

Something inspirational:

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

HENRY FORD

Sadly, we live in a society and culture that encourages a sense of entitlement from some children, but not all. Even if we raise a grateful child, children may still go through the sense of entitlement, ungrateful stage. Although that doesn’t indicate whether they will stay ungrateful or entitled forever, parents still need to have control over their attitudes.

As a child, I was grateful for the roof over my head, the food on the table. I was grateful for just about everything. I never stopped to question anything. It’s just the way I was. It’s only later on that we come to understand our life and how things turn out. The old-fashioned values are what we lived by, as did our parents, as did their parents before them.

Children tend to see their world through other children’s eyes. From an early age, children are conditioned to want what other children have. They see what other children have and want what they’ve got, if it's more than they've got. Children grow up thinking and believing they’re privileged; everything starts and stems from their thinking.

Of course, as parents if we don’t encourage our children to think new things, our children will continue to process their thinking believing they’re privileged. Being spoilt isn’t just a practical thing. Sadly, parents may sometimes spoil their children to believe they’re brilliant, amazing children and that changes their thinking and how they choose to behave.

Children may also show signs of arrogance, be conceited, feel superior, big headed and may also lack the respect, but even with some or all those things behind them, the right disciplines in place, will usually bring about the right outcome in the longer term.

Nothing is ever set in stone, we can change the way we see ourselves. Old thought patterns can be changed. We can change our thinking on just about everything. I'm testament to that.

When we can’t see, or equate how we feel with how others have made us feel, then we know we’re emotionally damaged. It would go on to take me many years to see or understand that I was.

It took countless guilt trips, until one day the penny dropped that the guilt I’d been carrying for all those years, wasn’t mine to carry. That our environment and the people in it, affect the way we feel about ourselves and how we go on to look at our accomplishments.

I thought I’d failed, that others looking at my achievements would think the same thing, because there was nothing concrete for them to see, but now I believe differently. I was very much a success. I’d survived neglect and emotional abuse and that very much made me a success.

It’s also incredibly sad that families, people and society, place too much emphasis on education and use that to measure how successful their children become and that’s not it. Well perhaps it’s a part of it, but not all. Being good at passing exams is just one element. For us to continue to be successful, we must learn to communicate well.

We must also offer an open hand, be caring, compassionate, open and honest.  Those are the qualities that will bring about success, with what the universe anticipates or expects from us. That should be our measure of success. Too much emphasis is placed on our achievements and if you haven’t achieved, others believe you've failed.

When we pass over, people see our achievements as our success stories, more than they see the person. What I have managed to achieve through my site is of course my success story, but what it took for me to get to have this success is more important. Without my struggles, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now.

Perhaps we need to measure people’s success, not by what we see but what they went through to meet with that success.

There is always something to write about around relationships and disability.

Anyone with a brain impairment means they are disabled, however small. It stands to reason therefore, that my life would turn out differently, when I eventually found out. I am tied to a brain injury that has led to my impairment.

If I had have know I had cerebral palsy as a child it would have meant that I could have talked about my symptoms with those who needed to know, once I started forming relationships. With any relationship, it’s important to start off level pegging and on the right footing.

For anyone finding out about a disability late, means the person before the diagnosis won't be the same person after. We grow, we mature and as a result we begin to see ourselves and our lives differently. Knowing means I have become less frustrated, less agitated, more calm; knowing can change the way others see us too.

Everyone should work and grow together, it shouldn’t matter the start point. But for those of us who deal with a disability our priorities and challenges will always be different. Dealing with a disability can be difficult, particularly as we have different challenges to meet, sometimes we may need that support.

Dealing with a disability also has its ups and downs. Even more frustrating for me when there was little to no understanding of what my challenges were. Although the life I’ve had isn’t the one I would have wanted, I still have challenges that present around my 'SPD' but at least now I know more about the disorder.

Even with all the things I've had to deal with, I still choose to see my life positively. A different kind of knowing with a different life around my disability has brought about a different thought process from me. We must try to have a positive disposition, particularly as dealing with a disability can unbalance the equation in any relationship and often does.

Whether a disability is mild or moderate is immaterial. Everyone involved needs to have a positive perception on disability, around what that person deals with and run with it for those relationships to work.

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