Drowning under my senses

Having heard about Paddy McGuiness and his wife Christine’s heartbreak, over their four-year-old twins’ Autism diagnosis recently, I wanted to write about it because I not only feel sad, but I can also resonate.

I can draw parallels with them through my Sensory Processing Disorder (“SPD”). I understand why each day is a battle because it’s the same struggles brought forward into a new day, that never leaves you, that can flare up at any moment. It’s often difficult to escape the feeling …

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27 Jul, 2017

Coming through abuse

There are still times when I can’t quite believe that neglect and abuse has been my life and then I pinch myself and that’s my reality. But then I tell myself that without this life, my experiences I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing and I reconcile until the next time.

No one just gets over neglect or abuse, but it is up to us to change how we let those others treat us. Where experiences become lessons, this is one lesson learned that we will never want to repeat, or be …

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24 Jul, 2017

A measure of success

When we can’t see, or equate how we feel with how others have made us feel, then we know we’re emotionally damaged. It would go on to take me many years to see or understand that I was.

It took countless guilt trips, until one day the penny dropped that the guilt I’d been carrying for all those years, wasn’t mine to carry. That our environment and the people in it, affect the way we feel about …

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21 Jul, 2017

Relationships & disability

Anyone like me with a brain impairment means we are disabled, however small. There’s no getting away from that. It stands to reason therefore, that my life would turn out differently, when I eventually got to find out, because I’m tied to a brain injury that has led to impairment. That through my impairment, I would struggle and all relationships would need a different understanding.

Knowing I had Cerebral Palsy as a child would have meant that I could talk about my symptoms and issues with those who needed to know. With any relationship, it’s important to start off level pegging …

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17 Jul, 2017

Suicide

With yet another Celebrity passing through suicide recently, I felt compelled to write about it. For us to lose someone close is difficult, but to lose someone to suicide can leave us numb and in shock.

I have been touched by someone who committed suicide and although grief is a normal response to us losing someone important or close to us, when we lose someone through suicide it makes the …

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12 Jul, 2017

My senses, explained

Sadly, dealing with Sensory Processing Disorder means that unless I have a quick resolve on an issue or challenge, my thoughts go into overdrive, or panic.

Anything that involves dealing with how my senses see or deals with an issue or challenge, can makes that issue or challenge seem totally out of my depth, until I find a resolve on it. I do however, tend …

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8 Jul, 2017

No diagnosis

Having no Cerebral Palsy diagnosis meant I would always have to work out what my physical and emotional issues were. You can’t deal with symptoms, struggle all your life and not know why or what your symptoms are.

Even with a diagnosis I may not have understood what all my neurological symptoms were, sadly for me I’m just working all of those out now. I may just have been given a diagnosis without an …

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4 Jul, 2017

Things are clearer

There are too many things that happened in my formative years around my neurological issues that I didn’t understand back then that I have come to understand now and feel aggrieved that those things were allowed to happen.

Looking back my parents weren’t interested in changing anything. It’s also true that because my awareness was sadly lacking due to my neurological impairments, I never recognised any of …

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1 Jul, 2017

My nemesis

I tend to often reflect situations that upset me, to see if I could have done things better or differently. That way I bring closure more easily and stop blaming myself.

I know that organising my wardrobe around Claudia’s graduation wasn’t going to be easy. I still struggle with the Cerebral Palsy what to wear in the summer thing. I wanted to wear something which said …

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28 Jun, 2017