The CP Diary

As a child with CP, I spent my formative years chasing perfection in certain areas of my life. I wanted to be like everyone else who didn’t have CP.

I wanted to walk properly without a limp; I wanted to walk heel toe like everyone else. I was constantly checking out the heels on my shoes to see the difference between both heels wearing down and would get annoyed with myself when they weren’t.

When I crayoned out of the lines, I’d throw the pre-colouring sheet I was using in the bin and start again. It’s no excuse, but I was emotionally …

The CP Diary is coming up to its second birthday and for me the transition of how it started to where The CP Diary is now is phenomenal.

I remember having a conversation with my then web designer who asked me what I was going to do with the site and remember the conversation as if it were yesterday, because he didn’t seem impressed or convinced The CP Diary would amount to anything. In all fairness to him, it must have seen like a pipe dream on the back of a diagnosis at the age of 46 …

As I try to remain upbeat given my current set of circumstances, I can understand why the brain could easily go into a negative state… there is only so much anyone can handle before everything becomes too much.

The following helps me:

Developing my spiritual awareness is something I have continued to do for many years. My beliefs help me to remain focused and positive, even when I’m dealing with stressful situations;

I listen to music or read books that encourage me to remain upbeat. I tweet positive quotes and incorporate daily …

My spiritual beliefs allow me to evaluate my life so that I can make the decisions that are right for me.

As a child I cared about everyone and everything, regardless of whether others cared about me. I cared about what other people thought about me, so much so that my decisions were influenced by their suggestions even though their suggestions weren’t right for me.

My thoughts weren’t my own. I’d speak and say things to please others and gave no consideration to my own inner voice. I cared too much about being politically correct. In …

As a child I never thought about whether I was happy or sad. I knew I existed in my life and that my life was just that… my life. I have changed a lot since those early days.

There is no doubt in my mind that we make our own happiness and that being proactive is an important element of that if we’re going to bring about change on being happy.

The following other tips may help:

• Take responsibility for yourself and be okay with your mistakes. Quit blaming others and stop making excuses all the time. Making excuses just gives you more ammunition to deny your responsibilities on any decisions and life choices you have to make;

Do you wake up with an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re dealing with so many uncertainties?

All of my uncertainties with my family are still without resolutions and they’re beginning to make me feel uneasy. Unfortunately those feelings are bringing about other feelings, which I am now having to deal with.

I still have to fight my corner so that I can live my life my own way is something I have always had to do, but unfortunately that’s what I feel I am still having to do. I’m fed up of having to be on my guard. For me, some days are a constant battle. In my life I am still expected to adapt to be a certain way …

Setting my CP Diary website up is the best thing I’ve ever done. It gives me an outlet, so that on my down days I have a focus and that helps me get back into my life so that I can function. My site also helps others.

Away from The CP Diary and my writing, I have my share of problems just the same as everyone else, some of which still continue and which I have already shared on the site. I may give the impression that I have everything wrapped up and find things easy, but the realities of what I am dealing with are very different and have been …

Do you find it hard to respect someone when someone doesn’t give you the respect back?

I believe respect isn’t a given, it’s something we constantly have to work at. It has to be earned by each of us and from my own experience isn’t always, particularly where culture is involved. We’re taught as children to respect others, but others need to respect us too, regardless of their culture or beliefs …

I seem so uncertain of everything today. Nothing is going the way I had hoped; still more obstacles to cross with no clear resolve on any of my problems. Just trying to find a way through.

Dealing with disappointment may having to deal with feelings of sadness and grief and depending on the disappointment dealing with apathy as well.

We will inevitably bring more stress into our life, when we subject ourselves to an outcome all the time and expect to meet that outcome. We should learn to accept what happens in our life gracefully. That way we will never have to deal with disappointment, let alone live with it …