Over the years I have documented about my physical and emotional difficulties since I started the Diary, but one of the things I go back to every time is living a life that wasn’t true. You can’t be true to yourself without knowing the truth about yourself.
For 46 years I lived one way through the control, then when the opportunity arose for me to have an MRI scan, having my Cerebral Palsy diagnosis confirmed made me realise I wasn’t the person I thought I was. Now continually having to work through my symptoms, piece by piece, for the very first time has re-shaped my life and the lives of those around me.
It is true that our emotional growing up years are done in our formative years. Usually by the time we’ve settled into our lives and relationships, we’ve come through knowing everything we need to know about ourselves when we’re young. Through relationships, we become a more mature version of ourselves, because the foundations are already there.
Years on and I am still learning about my psychological and emotional difficulties. That’s bad enough, but it’s not only me who has been affected by my diagnosis and symptoms. As is life, it takes two people, which means the other half of two is also affected, when he or she realises the life they signed up for, isn’t the life they’re living.
Over the years they must also come to terms with the other person’s disability. It makes it all the harder of course, when you’re told the person initiating and controlling your life, simply didn’t want to know.