On Friday I had to take something into school and as I was walking into reception, I could see my reflection in the glass door and staring back, I could see myself limping.
On the whole I do well at ignoring the fact that I have a limp, but then it just comes from nowhere, like a bolt out of the blue. For that split second, time stood still and I was that child struggling to walk in the school playground.
I came away feeling despondent that somehow I allowed myself to be weak. I was back there in school with all my thoughts of children staring, watching my every move, because they knew I walked with a limp and that made me different. It’s amazing that a certain situation reminds us of something that we dealt with in our past and for that split second we’re back in that same place, with the same feelings; the same thoughts and the same struggles as if we were that child again.
I also wonder at myself how I managed to work through all that I did and how I came through the other end relatively unscathed, given what I was dealing with. Whatever students struggle with now, their time in school has to be better than my time was back then. How times have changed. Teachers are more informed in school today and that makes a big difference to the child.
I don’t always feel so comfortable walking in and out of public places so walking into school was hard for me. I think this time it was easier for me, because students walking to and from the playground were preoccupied with each other, weren’t paying much attention to me. That helped.
It also helps for me to write about these things, get my thoughts out into the open. I feel better now.