A nervous tension

12 Mar

The same feelings I had as a child are back. When I look at everything I’m dealing with from the outside in, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach as my mind begins to feel anxious.

It usually comes when I’ve had too many uncertain things over a long period of time to deal with and I hear bad news. It doesn’t have to be my own bad news, just something I hear. My own shadow feels more confident than I do right now, not that I know what my own shadow feels like.

As a child I would constantly talk myself out of things. I didn’t know what that was called back then, but now I know it as talking visualisation. I will use it again today to work through these feelings, as I look to tomorrow and a brand new day. A new day and another chance for me to turn these negative thoughts into positive ones.

6 Responses to “A nervous tension”

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  1. Lisa Cyr 12. Mar, 2014 at 9:35 am #

    I hope you work through your feelings soon and get to be more like yourself again. I know what you mean.

    I sometimes get this feeling of dread and I have to just shake it off. I know that’s easier said than done sometimes. Nine times out of ten my feelings don’t amount to anything, just a reminder of things past.

    • Ilana 12. Mar, 2014 at 10:37 am #

      Thanks Lisa. Yes our past and I find what we have to deal with in our present. I’m working on working on things.

  2. Brad 12. Mar, 2014 at 9:56 am #

    I think we all get these unsettled feelings from time to time when things happen, like you say and things are uncertain around us.

    I am quite lucky in that I find visualisation quite easy and I can close my eyes and imagine I am in a place where I had only happy memories. (My favourite place was the South of France). I can see the view in my mind and can even hear all the goings on around me.

    Making time for that sort of relaxation, in a quite room, possibly with some music playing and closing your eyes for a while would be good idea if you can do it.

    • Ilana 12. Mar, 2014 at 10:57 am #

      You’re really lucky. I would love to be able to visualise things, see scenes and take myself off. I’m not sure why I can’t, but visualisation does helps reduce stress which causes illness.

      I think with years of having to deal with stress, I found other outlets that did help me and will go back to those. We have to find what works for us; pleased you have found what works for you. That’s half the battle.

  3. Randy Michaud 12. Mar, 2014 at 1:32 pm #

    Boy, talk about timing. I’ve had to deal with those type of feelings quite regularly in my life.

    I’ve been trying to explain about the ‘old tapes’ playing in my head to people recently and they just don’t get it. I find it highly aggravating and insulting when someone basically tells me I should just “get over it!” Gee, don’t you think If I could do that I would have done it a very long time ago?

    It just serves to reinforce my beliefs about people, who haven’t been through it won’t understand it. They couldn’t have a clue as to the level of brainwashing I went through to break my spirit and be compliant. I often joke that my mother should have worked for the CIA!

    I can look back now and understand somewhat that she was mentally ill, but that doesn’t mean I can so easily forget. Dealing with it requires having to look at those issues which is kind of like having to run into a burning building. Chances are it’s going to hurt and not something I look forward to doing.

    I actually get physically ill from thinking about my past so it has to be done a little at a time. I could go on and on but basically just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in how you’re feeling!

    • Ilana 12. Mar, 2014 at 1:44 pm #

      Thanks Randy. I understand your sentiments when you say if you could have dealt with dealing with your issues you would have done. It’s not so easy to know how, so I’m with you there.

      It took me years to change my own negative inner dialogue. Emotions weren’t discussed when you and I were growing up, so if we did have problems those problems went unnoticed.

      Moving into a different phase of my life helped; when I kept myself busy that also helped and the more I understood everything there was to understand about my life, the more I was able to let go. Every now and again when I’m dealing with negative issues that aren’t easily resolved these thoughts do come back.

      Although it’s often difficult to deal with our thoughts, I also think it’s important to try. I hope you manage to make small but significant steps in the coming weeks.

      You’re definitely not alone in how you’re feeling Randy! I understand.

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