A new thought process
15 Feb
I am beginning to reflect a little… but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I know I still have to bring closure on my CP.
Given the fact that I will soon no longer be able to address this topic with my father, I think given the circumstances, the time has already come when I have to walk away. On some level he already knows how I feel because the topic came up nearly four years ago when I had just found out.
I didn’t resolve anything at the time, but I do remember having a conversation with my therapist many years previously, because I must have been struggling then. We talked about why parents choose not to deal with certain problems, even though they should protect their children. By the time I had finished my therapy session, I could see why my parents didn’t. They fitted the mould beautifully.
Of course it didn’t make years of ignoring the problem go away, that was very real but it did go some way for me to understand why? I know my father didn’t want to know, that much is true, but given the fact that I am a parent myself, it wouldn’t be something I would put my own children through.
Being a parent isn’t the easiest job in the world and when we become one, to some extent we do come out of our comfort zone. That coupled with a new experience of having a child with CP must have made both of my parents even more insecure. I am not making excuses, but I believe they must have had a hard time coming to terms with it. It doesn’t make it right of course!
Although I know time is running out on this one… I am okay and am prepared to let this one go.
Hard as it is, it’s good that you are able to look at how how parents dealt with your CP, in this way.
Thank you.
I sort of understand how some parents try to ignore the problems their children have, but it doesn’t make it right. My sons bio-parents kind of ignored the fact that he had problems by medical neglect.
Not taking him to appointments he needed to go to and treating him like a normal child, which isn’t that bad because when we have a child with special needs we want them to have as normal a life as possible, but some parents take it too far.
They totally ignore the facts, then there are the parents that over do it. That’s where my parents were. They were over protective, taking me to the doctor for every sniffle.
I see both sides of the coin here. I’m glad you’re coming to terms with this and can accept what has happened in the past. We should live for the day. We can’t change what happens in the past but we can change the future.
Not sure I need to add anything more here. Thanks Lisa I have.
My mother,before she had her stroke, was always trying to tie my Bipolar Disorder to either my father’s bloodline or hers. I imagine there was a lot of parental guilt going on there.
Guilt for me has been a very destructive emotion for me, with my upbringing and child rearing.
I wish you the best Ilana. I am sure you will come out of this stronger than ever.
Thanks Brian. I think you’re right I will. I think you’re right about your parents, there was a lot of guilt there. It’s a human failing, guilt. I am sure all parents whose children have something they struggle with will always feel that.
I think we have to own a problem if it belongs to us and accept the fact that we are partly responsible. In your case Brian Bipolar is genetic, (runs in families). Not sure any parent whose child goes on to have Bipolar can ignore that fact.
I’m sure for you that’s all you will have needed to hear from your parents. That they understand how you feel having to deal with it. I know how you feel.
My parents had to come to terms with my CP very early in my life. I was nearly 3 when my mother knew something was wrong when I was trying to walk, so they were forced to deal with it.
My brother has never dealt with having a disabled brother and could never understand what it is like. You cannot understand unless you yourself are living with CP.
I’m not sure any sibling would find that easy Randy, although for you living with CP must have been impossible. What matters is our own perceptions of how we see ourselves and how others deal with us.
If you’re okay with your brother not coming to terms with you having CP then that’s fine. It’s just a shame though, because you’d probably have a better relationship with you now if he had.