I am beginning to reflect a little… but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I know I still have to bring closure on my CP.
Given the fact that I will soon no longer be able to address this topic with my father, I think given the circumstances, the time has already come when I have to walk away. On some level he already knows how I feel because the topic came up nearly four years ago when I had just found out.
I didn’t resolve anything at the time, but I do remember having a conversation with my therapist many years previously, because I must have been struggling then. We talked about why parents choose not to deal with certain problems, even though they should protect their children. By the time I had finished my therapy session, I could see why my parents didn’t. They fitted the mould beautifully.
Of course it didn’t make years of ignoring the problem go away, that was very real but it did go some way for me to understand why? I know my father didn’t want to know, that much is true, but given the fact that I am a parent myself, it wouldn’t be something I would put my own children through.
Being a parent isn’t the easiest job in the world and when we become one, to some extent we do come out of our comfort zone. That coupled with a new experience of having a child with CP must have made both of my parents even more insecure. I am not making excuses, but I believe they must have had a hard time coming to terms with it. It doesn’t make it right of course!
Although I know time is running out on this one… I am okay and am prepared to let this one go.