All about support

My mind seems to be tied in to Cerebral Palsy these days, but writing blogs help me put what I feel back into perspective. Cerebral Palsy is the bane of my life.

Not only did I miss my milestones, but that when we deal with something in our childhood it makes it so much harder to go through those milestones. I didn’t have an abundance of confidence or self-esteem, but I realise now that I was seeing only the negative surrounding my condition.

When we go through something it’s easy to pick out all the bits we don’t like about ourselves, but dealing with something from an early age gives us that little more to go at. Whereas it may take us to reach adolescence, before we notice everything we don’t like about ourselves, from an early age I already knew there were things about my condition I didn’t like.

I didn’t like that my left foot was a different shape to my right. I also didn’t like the fact that when I was standing straight I was lopsided. I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror with skirts on, but what I didn’t like the most was living with frustration, because I was given no support.

Support gives us the freedom to choose, the freedom to move forward with our lives, the freedom to make better choices, the freedom to allow us to deal with all the negative stuff, positively. When that doesn’t happen, we either muddle through; we make less than perfect choices or we stagnate and blame others because we’re not strong enough to make better choices for ourselves.

Then there are the days when I coped, or the days where everything seemed to overwhelm me. I know a lot of these feelings are brought about more in the winter months, when the nights draw in early and it’s bitterly cold and I’m left with a dull ache in my leg, then reality sets in and I’m back to Cerebral Palsy again.

I believe that no matter how good family are at giving support, the support that helps is the support we find from others going through the same emotional rollercoaster, because there is already an understanding there that implies, “I know how you feel, I understand what you’re going through.”

The support that comes from the heart, the support that says I’m here for you, I’m willing to listen, help where I can, even if I don’t quite understand what you’re going through is the best kind. That wasn’t my life.


9 Dec, 2010

12 thoughts on “All about support

  1. I agree. Support is so important, as it tells us there are others who are thinking about us and who are there for us when we need them. Unconditional support and understanding is a sign of real friendship and love.

  2. Emotionally CP is a roller coaster. Growing up with a lack of confidence caused a lack of self-esteem. I was seeing only the negative and still do. Because I have thought that way all my life, negative thoughts pop into my head first, when I’m dealing with problems.

    1. I’m with you Bill. I Know exactly how you feel, particularly living around support which may still be negative. I am always here for you whenever you want as I know you will be for me.

  3. I agree. Sorry I haven’t been on lately. I have been really sick and so have staff. We’ve all had bad flu and a cold. I do know how you feel and I agree with you. The best support is someone just being there to help. That is the kind of support Matt gives to me everyday.

    I will try to get on tomorrow if I’m not feeling worse. Take care, Colleen.

    1. Thanks Colleen, glad you’re feeling slightly better. Yes having someone to help and just being there for someone, is the best kind of support.

  4. Good positive support is definitely needed for healthy self-esteem.

    I currently have a 5 yr old relative who lives with my son’s grandmother and she is so very harsh with her. She criticises everything she does, nothing is good enough and as a result, I helplessly watch as this little girl becomes more and more introverted. More and more scared to interact with others.

    I grew up around a lot of criticism myself, where I guess they were trying to strengthen me since I was always perceived as a quiet child, but instead of strengthening fully, it broke me just a little. Luckily I believe I can self heal and have taught myself to do just that by blocking out any negative vibes from anywhere and zoning in on purely what is positive and sincere.

    Support is definitely crucial in life if one is to feel confident and become generally well balanced emotionally.

    As far as the CP roller coaster is concerned, unfortunately I can give little input there, since I’m still very much going through all the ups, downs and loops of the ride.

    1. Many thanks for your response on today’s journal. You are completely right about support and how good support through our formative years makes us into positive adults with a high self-esteem.

      I am sorry to hear about your 5 year old relative. I don’t think subconsciously adults realise the hurt they cause children by the way they behave with them and from what you say it unfortunately sounds as though your relative is being brought up as your son’s grandmother was. I am pleased that you have found a way forward so that you impart positive thoughts on your own children.

      Whilst growing up with CP and having negativity around me, made me aware that I had to change to give my children better security in their own lives, so as you rightly say they grow into well balanced adults.

      We cannot change the past or other people, but we can change the way we support our own children, so that history doesn’t repeat itself.

      I am here for you and happy to help as you work through helping your son. It’s lovely to know and inspirational.

  5. I guess I’m running a little late today and am going to comment after your wrap up but this subject is so crucial I felt the need to say something.

    It’s the support I find in forum such as this that helps me continually evolve and mature into the person I was always meant to be but somehow got lost along the way due to a lack of support. I ran to seek comfort in instant gratification, always hearing a little voice inside me saying that I wasn’t good enough or worth enough, enough to have someone take the time and tell me that I am worth, and am being understood.

    It may seem like such a small gesture to reach out to someone and say that you care but for me it was like the whole world opening up to me. I had imprisoned myself in a world of self loathing and someone helping me up and holding my hand, had the effect of God himself reaching in and lifting my soul up for me to see that yes Brian you are okay and you can be better and you are definitely understood.

  6. Yes that certain emotional support is so important. I don’t remember having anyone to really support me when I was growing up either.

    I had a bad weight problem on top of the other problem and instead of support I got ridicules and picked on and didn’t have anyone to turn to, not even my family.

    Now I do have a handful of friends that I can turn to but hate doing it because I feel like a whiner and don’t want to burden others with my problems. So I don’t confide in them much.

    1. I understand you completely Lisa, but genuine friends won’t mind you talking about your problems. That is what friends do, they support.

      That feeling of burdening someone probably stems from not being able to express yourself as a child to family whose job it was to support you. You’re not there now. You can rework all of this.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *