No one’s childhood is perfect. When we look back there’s always something we weren’t happy with or would look to change.
No one should have to endure or live for 46 years in an emotional vacuum. Out of all my experiences, this is the biggest issue, I’m finding difficult to come to terms with. I’m basically missing out on understanding my symptoms around a disability I knew nothing about.
Then there’s 46 years of having to adapt into a life that didn’t allow me to live alongside a disability I should have known about. Having the support around Cerebral Palsy would have allowed me to work through and understand my neurological issues.
I may have also got help with school, without feeling I’d failed. Growing up I continually lived in an emotional vacuum knowing nothing about my disability, about how to manage my life alongside my disability, about myself, what made me, me. Out of everything I’ve had to deal with, it’s the one thing I go back to.
I have come to terms with many things, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to come to terms with the enormity of what I see as an injustice. Although childhood emotional neglect is what an emotional vacuum is, I am lucky it didn’t stop me from wanting to find out.
I could quite easily have given up. Sadly, the emotional vacuum that was my life ,would be in place for many years until an opportunity arose in the shape of my mum’s illness that allowed me to open the door and walk through.
My life would then be changed forever in the form of a diagnosis and The CP Diary.