Being taken advantage of

Growing up there was always a side to me that aimed to please. But there were times when me being kind was an opportunity for others to take advantage and sadly that’s what happened.

It’s easy to become resentful when we’re taken for granted because we’re not in full control, but being assertive helps. Being assertive protects us from being told what to do. It respects the rights and needs of others, because we learn to compromise and be respectful of each other’s opinions.

Being assertive means we can identify the feelings that allow us to say what we want to happen, but it’s wise for us to choose our battles carefully. It’s important only to be assertive when we need to.

By evaluating our feelings, we will know whether we’re being taken advantage of. Speaking from my own experience, those who take advantage will continue, until we say something. It may seem out of character and a challenge for us to say something, but it’s got to be done.

The hard part is choosing our words carefully so that the other person isn’t easily offended but us letting someone down gently is the best way forward. There is always another option open to us. We must learn to say ‘no,’ if we feel we’re being taken advantage of.

3 Jul, 2011

8 thoughts on “Being taken advantage of

  1. I’m not too assertive and let others do what they want; like my daughter and her boyfriend living with us.

    I usually get around to letting them know how I feel but a lot happens in that time and I’m so furious when I do tell them I’m afraid I’ll say something completely out of line. I’ve never been assertive.

    My first husband abused me verbally and I could never stand up to him until he threatened our daughter. Sometimes it takes something drastic to get me to assert myself.

    1. Thank you for being so honest Lisa. I think being assertive is not as easy as it sounds. If you’re not used to saying what needs to be said, it’s very easy for others to take advantage.

      I agree with your sentiments that when we’ve got to boiling point, usually through anger or frustration we speak out. You did it back then with your first husband. Maybe now that you’ve done it once, you can learn to do it again.

      You will feel so much better. Sometimes we just have to do it whatever the cost. The cost is usually too great if we don’t.

  2. Very good post today. My mother was not an assertive type. She always wanted to please and not rock the boat. She could be taken advantage of to a point. Marlene is very much the same. It is scary how alike they are.

    I tend to be a person who drums to his own drummer most times. The one person I have trouble saying no to is my father. Mostly I want to keep the peace and not start a fight. In that way I am like my mother.

    1. Thanks Randy, I understand completely. In my experience those who take advantage, will continue to do so unless we speak out.

      Of course, it’s okay to want to keep the peace, but I feel a compromise would always be the answer.

        1. I totally get what you’re saying Randy; but don’t you think there’s an element that he chooses not to know what it means? I should think it’s easier for him that way.

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