It’s taken me a long time to work this through. I wouldn’t have minded if I had been told that I couldn’t cope, I had issues, I was insecure, I couldn’t bring myself to deal with your having Cerebral Palsy. I had issues with you not being perfect. Those are the words I would have been okay with.
To be the mature adult, to help and nurture when we’re not feeling mature is the right thing to do. We must get past our issues. It’s okay that we don’t always get some of the parenting thing right. In those circumstances, we can be forgiven. We learn on the job and that’s accepted because we don’t go to school to learn how to be a parent.
That as a parent we will make mistakes along the way. No one is infallible, but in my case my physical and emotional issues were ignored, those responsible hoping the issue would go away, that brushing my issues under the carpet would make it all go away.
All that meant is that I would be left to deal with the consequences, when those responsible were no longer around. On our part we want to forgive. We want to say don’t worry, we’re okay, we understand, but forgiving is almost too easy.
Does not forgiving make us a bad person?
It absolutely doesn’t. When someone chooses not to forgive it’s not because they’re doing it out of spite or simply choose to be malicious. It has nothing to do with that. Instead, we must look at whether the other person is worthy of being forgiven. If they had their time again would they choose to do things differently, would they right a wrong for us? Those are the questions we need to ask ourselves.
For us to forgive, others must want to look to redress their wrong doing towards us. Simply right a wrong for us. If others genuinely want to help, but can’t because of what they deal with, they must tell us and that’s accepted. To wittingly choose to keep someone in the dark, when unconsciously we know it’s wrong, isn’t something the universe will accept or agree with and that allows us to make our own decision about forgiveness.
Fast forward years on and some of us will learn through our experiences. We grow, we mature, we change and we’re genuinely sorry for the hurt we’ve caused and that allows others to forgive us. Perhaps, therefore those on the receiving end of hurt don’t have to forgive at all.