It’s taken me a long time to work this through. I wouldn’t have minded if I had been told that I couldn’t cope, I had issues, I was insecure, I couldn’t bring myself to deal with your having Cerebral Palsy. I had issues with you not being perfect. Those are the words I would have been okay with.
To be the mature adult, to help and nurture when we’re not feeling mature is the right thing to do. We must get past our issues. It’s okay that we don’t always get some of the parenting thing right. In those circumstances we can be forgiven. We learn on the job and that’s accepted because we don’t go to school to learn how to be a parent.
That as a parent we will make mistakes, it’s accepted. No one is infallible, but in my case… my physical and emotional issues were ignored, those responsible hoping the issue would go away.
By brushing my issues under the carpet meant is that I would be left to deal with the consequences, when those responsible were no longer around. On our part we want to forgive, but forgiving is almost too easy. But not choosing to forgive doesn’t make us bad. When someone chooses not to forgive it’s not out of spite, or because they choose to be malicious.
Not forgiving has nothing to do with that. Instead, we’re choosing to look at whether the other person is worthy of being forgiven. If they had their time again, would they do things differently, would they right a wrong ? Those are the questions that we need to ask ourselves.
For us to forgive, others must want to look to redress their wrong doing towards us. If others genuinely want to help, but can’t because of what they emotionally deal with, they must tell us and that’s accepted. To wittingly choose to keep someone in the dark when it’s wrong, isn’t something the universe will accept or agree with.
That means we’re allowed to make our own decision about forgiveness. Fast forward years on and some of us will learn through our experiences. We grow, we mature, we change and we’re genuinely sorry for the hurt we’ve caused and that allows others to forgive us.
Perhaps, therefore those on the receiving end of hurt don’t have to forgive at all.