Confidence & ability

As a child, always being controlled and told what to do, didn’t fill me with confidence or self-esteem; so it’s not surprising that I never really knew whether I was capable of achieving anything, or doing anything for myself.

It took me a long to realise that as the adult, I didn’t need my parents’ approval, nor did I need to prove that I was capable of doing things. I believe we spend far too much time trying to show others what we’re capable of, particularly our parents.

It’s like we’ve got to prove our worthiness. Some children will literally spend a lifetime trying to show their parents what they’re capable of. How sad.

To be confident in your own abilities, I would suggest:

  • Look at your stressors to see what they are to see if you can make any changes to the way you do things. I believe we can always make light work;
  • Adjust your priorities so that you take on as much as you know you can handle and feel free to say No;
  • Stop trying to be a perfectionist. That will only add to more of your stress;
  • Always plan ahead so that you’re organised. That way you’ll give yourself extra time to do more of what you want;
  • Always make time to take up a leisure activity or exercise;
  • Take care of your emotional and physical needs;
  • Take control so that you say No when you feel it’s appropriate to say No.

When we do anything for ourselves, we encourage confidence, promote self-awareness and self-esteem, all of which we need in our lives. We also learn all there is to know about us, like what our likes and dislikes are, how we feel about certain things and how we perceive other people and situations.

Having had experience on both sides of the coin, I know which side I would rather be on. The side that allows me to be me and live my life for me.


23 Jan, 2013

8 thoughts on “Confidence & ability

  1. My parents always told me what to do even when I had graduated from nursing school. My dad asked if it was what I really wanted to do. He had talked to another nurse and was told of all the things nurses do and he didn’t think I should be doing things like that.

    He thought I should pursue a career in the performing arts, as I had been in dance school for many years, but I told him yes, I wanted to be a nurse and I have been one for 25 years now.

    I do most of the things you have suggested. I could take better care of myself though, like taking leisurely time and taking up a hobby. I do mess around with different things like scrap-booking and card making, but I mostly take care of my family.

    1. I’m smiling Lisa at your first paragraph, because I was expected to get married, there was no talk of career with my father and with little support and no clear direction I struggled.

      From what you say though, it sounds as though your father just wanted to make sure you were sure you had chosen the right career path for yourself. That’s really commendable. To hold down a job you have to have both confidence and ability and you did both well for 25 years. That’s great. I would think that without one or the other it would be very hard to maintain success at a higher level, let alone any level.

      We have to think and feel good about ourselves and that ties in with our confidence and abilities. We’re more likely to succeed when we feel good and confident about ourselves.

  2. The last line of your topic really hit home for me. I find it hard to say no to people at times, but as I have grown older I am learning that we need to sometimes do that.

    As a mom this has really opened my eyes, that we need to let kids experience things on their own. So they can learn and gain confidence in themselves by doing things on their own.

    I have both in my life. Nice post Ilana.

  3. Wow what a wonderful blog! My mother doesn’t put her needs first; definitely not her wants. She’s worried about her family and what they need; or close friends.

    I can say that’s where I get it from, but also realizing my priorities. I have to take care of myself first, so I can take care of my children and so on, so her example setting made me think differently about it.

    1. My mother was also the same! It’s amazing how parents teach us a different way to think. Although our mums we’re clearly being selfless, they taught us that you and I are just as important.

      We learn a lot through what our parents have to deal with. Confidence and ability being part of that equation. It sounds as though you’ve had that too.

      From our parents, we learn how not to parent, more than we learn how to parent, (some will get that right) and don’t think that is completely unique to any of us.

      Instinctively I am shown the way. It’s how I learn and believe it works.

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