Coping mechanisms

As a culturally diverse society and as human beings we are completely diverse and therefore will go on to develop different strategies to fit in with the different people we connect with. Invariably this goes back to childhood, parenting and our experiences. From our parents to their parents, through the generations and the environments they grew up in.

For example, a child who is particularly bright may be picked on, because of his or her abilities in school over other children, or the child who has a disability and is picked on because he or she looks different and is therefore perceived differently. Each of those children will have a different resolve for working through their problems.

The child who is picked on because he or she is bright may work particularly hard at home, but give the impression that in school he or she is like everyone else. The child with the disability may see the problem as being the perpetrator’s problem and not so much his or her own, but another child with a different disability, may see themselves as being the problem.

As individuals we are unique, but these situations are not and to some extent continue to happen in schools and in the work place. I personally don’t remember being bullied in school, but I do remember being isolated and stared at, in and out school, because I walked differently to everyone else. My coping mechanism was to withdraw, to protect myself.

Whereas some of us work relentlessly through challenges that life brings, others don’t always manage to do that and still live their lives in isolation, blaming themselves. In school, I struggled to keep up and fit in because of my lack of abilities associated with my neurological impairments and although I didn’t give up on school altogether, school gave up on me.

I struggled with homework and school work, because I had no interested enough to help me work with it, given my difficulties. But for many years I saw myself as being responsible for not doing well in school and felt guilty. When I look back now, I know it was never my fault, or responsibility. There was joint blame around my parents and all my teachers in school.

It took me a lot of years to understand, but I know this was never my guilt to carry.

15 Dec, 2010

4 thoughts on “Coping mechanisms

  1. I think as children we learn from the power of example. I imagine that there are exceptions as there always are, but as the rule children follow how their parents or siblings cope which doesn’t usually work out very well for them in the long run.

    Wouldn’t it be nice if the schools taught real life skills such as coping? It’s no wonder that there are bullies in school when the system fails to teach these types of skills. Everyone has their own style of coping and that doesn’t mean they are coping well.

    I just think if we keep failing to educate our youth these critical life skills, then the failures will keep perpetuating themselves.

    1. Brian I totally agree with you, although schools will tell you, it should be down to the parents, discipline starts at home… but I think schools should be accountable too, since students spend the majority of their formative years in the classroom.

  2. I was picked on and bullied in school, so when I got to be a teenager I rebelled. Now I just keep to myself mostly, even though I haven’t really gotten picked on as an adult, but I am occasionally snubbed for whatever reason. I do tend to hold stuff in and I know that isn’t good. I really need to find a good outlet.

    As far as schools are concerned I also think the schools need to have programmes aimed at the problems the kids may face socially. Parents do need to be involved and that needs to be started by trust between the child and the parent.

    The parents shouldn’t be held totally responsible for this because you can teach them about life, but actually going out in the real world is a different story. There are those children that have no parental control at all and are allowed to do whatever they please.

    1. I agree Lisa there needs to be a combined effort between the parents and the school, so that all aspects of a child’s personal growth are covered.

      Sorry to hear about your own problems in school with trying to fit in with what you had to deal with.

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