When someone is being critical, they use it as a means of criticism partly because they know they can and because we don’t know how to stop them. Nine times out of ten they will get away with it, until we learn to say No.
The problem with critical people is that they tend not to think about the way they speak, they just speak. They’ll just bleat something out, then think about what they’ve said after they’ve said it, by which time it’s too late to change what’s been said or perhaps they don’t think about it.
So why are some people critical?
I believe it comes from the way we generally feel about ourselves. It’s also a reflection of what we’re dealing with at the time. If we’re having a hard time working through some of our own issues, we’re not only going to feel angry but will feel insecure too. We tend to take the way we feel, out on those we love.
I believe there is always a bigger picture to someone’s emotions. We don’t just let off steam at someone because we want to hurt the person we’re being critical to or about. It’s not something we are consciously aware of; why we’re not happy or why we’re feeling angry. We just know that we are all those things.
Subconsciously, we have many reasons why we’re feeling all of those things, usually stemming from childhood. We carry so many reasons mentally. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy and it takes a split second. It also takes time to make amends; and time to learn how to curb what we feel and think.
Although I wasn’t critical of others as a child I do remember being angry and would use it as a means of defending myself because of my own issues. It’s true that the buck stops firmly with us, regardless of how we feel.
We need to be responsible for our own behaviour regardless of what’s gone before us.