Dealing with critical people

When someone is being critical, they use it as a means of criticism partly because they know they can and because we don’t know how to stop them. Nine times out of ten they will get away with it, until we learn to say No.

The problem with critical people is that they tend not to think about the way they speak, they just speak. They’ll just bleat something out, then think about what they’ve said after they’ve said it, by which time it’s too late to change what’s been said or perhaps they don’t think about it.

So why are some people critical?

I believe it comes from the way we generally feel about ourselves. It’s also a reflection of what we’re dealing with at the time. If we’re having a hard time working through some of our own issues, we’re not only going to feel angry but will feel insecure too. We tend to take the way we feel, out on those we love.

I believe there is always a bigger picture to someone’s emotions. We don’t just let off steam at someone because we want to hurt the person we’re being critical to or about. It’s not something we are consciously aware of; why we’re not happy or why we’re feeling angry. We just know that we are all those things.

Subconsciously, we have many reasons why we’re feeling all of those things, usually stemming from childhood.  We carry so many reasons mentally. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy and it takes a split second. It also takes time to make amends; and time to learn how to curb what we feel and think.

Although I wasn’t critical of others as a child I do remember being angry and would use it as a means of defending myself because of my own issues. It’s true that the buck stops firmly with us, regardless of how we feel.

We need to be responsible for our own behaviour regardless of what’s gone before us.


23 Jan, 2012

10 thoughts on “Dealing with critical people

  1. Everything you said here is true.

    I believe behavior is learned. Unless someone steps up and says something it will continue; unless someone objects to it and will not tolerate it. Then and only then will it change.

  2. I grew up with very critical parents and it has taken me a long time to really get over their words repeating in my head!

    I usually try to avoid people like that since they can really get on my nerves quickly. I’m just hoping that someday I won’t be so critical of myself so that I could enjoy living more often!

    1. I understand you totally Randy. We begin to believe that we are all the things our parents tell us.

      It’s good that you recognise some of your parents’ critical traits. I hope you’ll be able to change some of them soon.

      You deserve to enjoy your life.

  3. I agree with you. People need not take their anger and frustration out on others. They do need to suck it up and accept responsibilty for thier own actions and problems.

  4. I agree, 100% spot on!! I find it hard to express myself, mainly because I believe we weren’t allowed to be expressive as children.

    As an adult I try hard to express myself in a positive way, depending on the situation of course. As a mother, I let my kids kids express themselves, but there’s a fine line when it comes to expressing and respect.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. I’m not sure children get the fine line right and agree with you, there is definitely a fine line between expression and respect, but perhaps that’s down to a lack of boundaries.

      I also believe that’s partly down to a lack of maturity and a lack of the right discipline, in some cases no discipline at all.

  5. Having a disability and having my kindness is labeled as weakness. My girls have taken advantage of that to an extent and I’m currently working on their behavior to the best of my ability.

    1. It’s not easy bringing a child up, particularly because of the outside influences they have in their lives also.

      I can resonate with you and understand your dilemma. It’s easy to want to please people and through our kind natures, others will always take advantage. I’m not sure or speaking for myself, disability doesn’t really come into it. For me it’s all about character.

      As a child I always aimed to please my family. There were times when that worked to my disadvantage. People will always take advantage of kind people. It’s the nature of us being kind and wanting to please.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *