Defensive behaviour

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to go on the defensive and make their problems about you?

Defensive behaviour is a pattern that is repeated, usually by people who have a problem with themselves. Defensive behaviour although it can temporarily make us feel better about ourselves, it can put us in a very awkward place and in some cases can make us look and feel less credible.

Through personal growth we’re more likely to be tolerant of ourselves and therefore tolerant of others. We’re also likely to have more time to listen and accept what other people say and are less likely to ‘fly off the handle’ at every little thing.

The good thing is that being defensive is a bad habit that can be easily remedied. It’s not easily agreed, we choose to ignore it, but going on the defensive is something we do when we see someone else as the problem and not us.

Taking responsibility for what we say and how we say it, is the first step to changing defensive behaviour. Sometimes when someone says something to us, it’s usually to try to help us even if we don’t want the help, therefore perhaps we should take it in the manner it’s given, unless of course the tone is wrong.

What we say should always be constructive, rather than something that could be perceived as critical. That is something I would advocate every time.


11 Oct, 2011

8 thoughts on “Defensive behaviour

  1. As I am sure most of us do, I recognise this behaviour.

    I’m lucky in that I have someone to point it out to me, so I can change the pattern before things get problematic 🙂

    1. I am sure like you; most of us have will have someone who can point out this kind of behavior. I’m pleased you recognise the behavior, as recognising this behavior is half the battle; the other half is changing it.

      Thank you for being so honest.

  2. What you mentioned here can be applied to a lot of other self-changes as well. Most people when they get rushed and hurried emotions don’t take the time to decipher what they mean.

    I think that’s helpful in more ways then one.

    1. You are right, of course there are many other emotions that can trigger off defensive behavior; brought about by not having time to think, but I believe any emotions we have should be dealt with in a way that is both appropriate and acceptable; whether we have time to think them through or not.

    1. Thanks for being so honest Lisa. I am sure we all recognise this kind of behavior, whether we use it now or not.

      I am pleased you’ve managed to calm down a little bit.

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