Disappointed with ourselves

How many times have we uttered the words, ‘I’m so disappointed with myself’ and mean every word, because it’s truly how we feel?

It’s something we come to judge in relation to our expectations, when the expectations we put upon ourselves are reasonable, but the circumstances turn out to be less than. If we fail to meet anything and we’ve already placed those expectations on ourselves, we become embroiled in our own personal battle.

It also comes about when we think we’ve disappointed someone who has expectations of us, because we feel we’ve let them down. Unfortunately, for some of us, the pressure is already on for us to perform no matter what. If the pressure isn’t coming from someone else, we put the pressure on ourselves. We set our own standards.

Standards are fine but they must be proportionate. To set the bar too high, means we’re automatically setting ourselves up to fail and that’s when blame sets in. We expect much more of ourselves than we do of others, but if we admitted to ourselves that the goal we placed upon ourselves was unreasonable, we would begin to understand and have an idea of what our limitations are.

For example, if we make one bad meal that doesn’t make us a bad cook, but if we’re trying to achieve a medal that takes us completely out of our comfort zone, then of course we will be disappointed if we don’t achieve it. It does depend on how high we set the bar.

As my father used to say, it’s horses for courses. Of course, that shouldn’t stop us from trying, but we must know our limitations. When we know what our limitations are, we’re less likely to be disappointed with ourselves, if we fail.

We have to accept that what we can do, is what we can do and be okay with it. So the next time you’re disappointed with yourself, perhaps you can tell yourself you didn’t fail, but that what you tried to do failed.


15 Jan, 2014

4 thoughts on “Disappointed with ourselves

  1. I agree with you, I think we expect to much of ourselves and of course get disappointed easily.

    I was disappointed when I first started back to school and the school closed. I probably could have finished the BS degree if I hadn’t played truant and wasted precious time before the school closed, but I had to realize that “the school closed,” it wasn’t my fault. I basically was on target time wise, so playing truant at the beginning really didn’t hurt me. The school failed me.

    I don’t think my parents had great expectations of me so I really didn’t try when I was growing up. Just within the past year have I learned how proud my mom was of me and that has had a great affect on me.

    I didn’t receive that kind of praise growing up so I didn’t have expectations for myself, so I haven’t really failed myself. I think how we are treated growing up affects us in this way wether we fail ourself or not.

    1. From what you say Lisa, you playing truant didn’t affect your college work so there was no harm done.

      I agree with you that when we are given no praise growing up we have very little expectations of ourselves; therefore if we fail at something we won’t particularly feel bad about it.

      In a way that’s a good thing, because we will never hold on to our failures and disappointments in the same way someone will, when expectations are placed on them. These feelings come about from other people’s expectations of us.

      In a way Lisa your parents did you a very big favour and that’s positive!

  2. On the whole I don’t beat myself up about decisions I make, although I am aware that I do carry one particular issue that disappoints me greatly as I could have done certain things better.

    I tend to be more disappointed in others than myself.

    1. I am sure you’re not the only one who feel this way, although that’s probably not a comfort to you because of how you feel. It’s so important for us to let go of decisions we’ve made in the past and instead put those down to your then experience and change things now so that you can go on to make new decisions.

      From my own experience when we hold on to decisions and opportunities we regret, we carry those regrets with us unconsciously and it is those regrets that stop us from making better decisions now.

      It’s easy to see why you would be disappointed in others more than yourself. We don’t often let ourselves down, but when others let us down, it’s easy to see why we would be disappointed in them.

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