Envy

As a child growing up with numerous problems, I would periodically look over my shoulder at others and remember unconsciously feeling envy at their ‘normal’ life and what I was struggling with.

Inwardly, I was never hateful but know that my own personal circumstances had a lot to do with how I felt about myself and what I was going through at the time to make me look outside of my own circumstances.

I was grounded enough never to lose understanding of my circumstances and that saved me from torturing myself further. The bad part is that because I’d got myself into a pattern of looking over my shoulder at what others had, it took me a while to snap out of it, but the good part is that as I got older and understood why, it made it easier for me to stop.

Looking back now, being so young meant I didn’t have the maturity or confidence to believe in myself. I had a lot to work through. Seeing what I have achieved with my writing through my site, means I have very much made a success of myself.

But it’s easy to see why people lose sight of their own potential from time to time and look to others instead. We only have to look, see or open a newspapers to understand why that may be the case.


12 Dec, 2013

6 thoughts on “Envy

  1. I’m guilty as well, especially as a teen. Others were very pretty, had everything even the guys and I was the loner.

    I was even envious of my sister because she was so smart and popular and got to do anything she wanted. But as I got older I came to realize I was the one that had everything. I had just about anything I wanted, a wonderful loving family and I was smart (I just didn’t realize it at the time).

    I later found out that one of the girls I was most envious of, was envious of me. I was blind to all of that. It may have been a teenage thing with me. What was worse was being a teenager with medical problems. I was envious of healthy people.

    I got over that and I’m not envious of anybody now. I have everything to be comfortable in my life. People need to realize that things usually turn around, or they are just blind to what they have.

    I am truly blessed.

    1. Thanks Lisa. You’re right things do turn around eventually; it’s just not so easy to see that at the time.

      I think understanding more about what we deal with helps us come to the conclusion you reached. We have to be able to see these things for ourselves. Even if your mother had have had a talk with you about what you were going through and how you felt, it probably wouldn’t have helped that much. We don’t have the majority in our teens to equate all the feelings we have.

      Later on experience and maturity usually sorts us out, that and moving on with our lives.

  2. Yes, I dealt with this from a very early age considering I ended up having to wear glasses at 4 and was a very sickly child.

    It felt like my dreams were crushed, because I had thought of being a fighter pilot and obviously that isn’t going to happen with glasses. I also had parents who were either hypercritical or oblivious so it felt like it didn’t really matter what I did!

    My brother was the family star because he was good in sports and had all the girls chasing after him, while I was the stereotypical 98 pound weakling nerd. Very hard to compete with this while living in his shadow!

    I’ve lived with envy of so many people because I felt like such a freak for most of my life. The best way I can describe it, is to say that I feel like a jigsaw puzzle that has a few missing pieces. It’s so hard to even think about it on some days because it is so painful to even think about!

    So many mistakes that I have made that can’t be fixed which truly breaks my heart, especially when it comes to my daughter. It’s definitely something I need to work on every day because of how much I can get wrapped up in my head about it.

    I’m hoping I can do this to get better so that I can make the best of what time I have left!

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes it’s easy to wrap ourselves up in envy of others, but not a great thing to do! As a child it’s very easy to label ourselves, but hopefully when we become the adult we see how things really are!

      From some of your other posts Randy, you sound as though you’re pulling out the stops to be there for your daughter. I am sure you do okay, probably more than you think you do! Take care.

  3. I think I have dealt with envy from time to time in my life. It’s only natural to see what others have and compare it to our own personal situation.

    People are always going to compare themselves to their neighbors, it’s very common. But I have come to realize that everyone has their own set of problems that they deal with. Not all circumstances are the same and even those with a lot of money have their own burdens to bear.

    My ex-Sister-in-law came from a very wealthy family, they were very judgmental towards my brother. He always pointed out to us that yes they had money, but they lack an emotional bond between them like we had. So my ex-Sister-in-law was always envious of how my mother treated us, and the bond between siblings that we had.

    Just goes to show that you can think you have it all and not have it nearly as good as someone that has love on their side like we do. So I think we are wealthy in love, and for that I am grateful.

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