Evaluating my life

I know that the realisation that I could have researched my birth notes many years ago, has left me with a lot of uncertainty, a closing door that could have given me the answers, acceptance or closure on what I know now to be Cerebral Palsy.

I cannot change where I am, or cannot change what might have been, I can only go forward and redress the balance on where I go from here. A year ago I had an MRI scan, I got a diagnosis. It’s also more than I had 2 years ago. Perhaps it’s time for me to move my thoughts forward with where I am now and live in the moment instead of looking back.

I know that looking back hurts me, frustrates me, saddens me and angers me. It also changes my feelings towards those who should have done something to help and didn’t. It clouds my judgment.

Instead I will choose to move forward and will put things in place.


23 Jun, 2010

6 thoughts on “Evaluating my life

  1. I’m sorry that I have been away for a while Ilana. It looks like I’ve missed out on some good topics. But as far as moving on goes for me, I need to make sure that I have done a good cleaning of the closets before I close the doors, otherwise those darn old doors will keep on popping open at the worst times in my life.

    The therapy I am receiving now is definitely cleaning all of my closets. I am so lucky to have the program and you and now a new friend. Of course my wife is always there for me and soon I will be the strong one here for her.

    So yes putting the past where it belongs is imperative to recovery, any recovery and this is a great subject you have brought up today. Thank you …. Brian.

    1. You’re welcome Brian. I know that we all deal with different issues, different pasts, some worse than others.

      The past not only shapes us, but can also show us the way to live better lives. from learning from other people’s mistakes, particularly family. In doing so, it allows us to evaluate who we allow into our lives and who we don’t.

      I feel that making changes from our past are very important for our health in the longer term.

  2. I actually learned a lot more after my mother’s passing than I ever knew when she was alive. I got a copy of my medical files, I learned a lot that my mother never told me. I guess she blamed herself for my condition in some way.

    After I read that I was a dry birth and had my mother known that her water had broken a week before I was born, if she had gone to the hospital things might have turned out differently.

    I have learned never to play the what if game. It’s no use. What is, is and you deal with it the best way you know how.

    No use dwelling on the negative. It does no good. We have to move forward.

    1. The information I find out about, always has to be processed so that I can move forward successfully.

      Without coming to terms with my past and dealing with it, means I will never move forward successfully. I think generally our past does have an impact on our lives.

      If it works for you to just move forward then that’s fine. We all have to do what we feel is best.

  3. You have so much more strength than I. I tend to hang on to the past and have a very hard time leaving things there in the past. I carry things like baggage.

    I’m so glad things look better for you. You deserve the best.

    1. Lisa. You don’t have to hang on to the past. I used to do exactly what you are doing now. I also found it hard to let go.

      My beliefs showed me the way. I don’t believe anyone has to stay where they don’t want to be.

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