Finding it hard to equate

I’ve made a point of being open and honest about my experiences, sharing my blogs because that’s how I am and yet this is one of the hardest blogs I’ve had to write. Whilst I receive compliments about my site, I have difficulty recognising how successful the Diary actually is because I struggle with neurological impairments.

I am irritated that I find it hard to enthuse what should be my biggest success. Although I love to receive and read positive feedback about my site, I find it hard to equate that any feedback is directed at me and what I have achieved. Not so easy to understand.

I don’t ever take it or anything for granted and where I can continue to make a difference to so many people that is what I will do.


16 Feb, 2015

12 thoughts on “Finding it hard to equate

  1. You and your life experiences are treasured I’m sure. It must be frustrating for all the effort and work you’ve had to put in.

    Have you thought of putting in some research into CP with your life’s journey… just a thought.

    Anyway take care of you and I’ll try and drop by more often. Kia kaha

    1. Yes it is completely frustrating. Thanks Mike.

      I’ve got a few blogs on my site about CP, but like you’re probably aware too, there is very little out there that explains what you and I deal with and how we will age with the condition.

  2. I think it is only natural when your achievements have never previously been recognised, especially as a child, that when you do receive positive comments it can be enormously difficult for those comments to register.

    I would say it’s completely understandable given the way you were parented that you are feeling this now.
    Keep doing what you are doing and I am sure that with time you will recognise the compliments and see that the gratitude you received are well-deserved.

  3. The CP Diary is truly something special. You value optimism and hard work; it has rewarded you well and your readers appreciate what you bring into their lives.

    This blog is a moment of positive introspection and I admire your honesty and you do make a difference.

    1. I am determined to turn this thought around and I am beginning to understand.

      I think part of the problem is that because my blogs are based on my real life thoughts and experiences, I’m probably looking at what I write, on how I live and experience life and find it hard to equate how someone else will use what I write to equate that into their own lives.

      I also believe that the more we are praised, the more we will recognise and accept praise. Never having been praised in this way, makes it doubly hard for me to accept that this praise is actually being directed at me for something I’ve achieved.

      I am determined that I will and am beginning to see the light a little more clearly now.

  4. You have every reason to be proud of what you have done with your site. Allow yourself to enjoy and believe the positive feedback you get about it.

    Your honest openness of your experiences are greatly appreciated. Not everyone has the courage to be open about their life.

    1. Thanks Maria. This is something I am and will continue to work on and you’re right I need to allow myself time to enjoy and believe the positive feedback I’m getting.

      Thank you for your wonderful support; because without your support and support like yours, I couldn’t write in the way I do. I am grateful to have such wonderful support.

  5. You know my motto, “Be positive.” Your site is wonderful. I wish I had the time I used to have to get to it daily; but doing it this way I still benefit and hope you benefit.

  6. I’m guessing that you grew up pretty much the same way I did, with very little acknowledgement of what efforts you put in! It leaves a very hollow spot in your soul where you could get something like a Nobel prize and it still wouldn’t be enough to fill that void.

    I know that has been my biggest downfall because, in the back of my mind, I feel like nothing I ever do will be good enough. This is why I wish at times my parents would have physically abused me rather than crush my spirit the way they did!

    I would seriously consider something like writing a book about your experiences, as I have been doing, to get at least some validation for the efforts you have put into bettering your life.

    The CP Blog has been a great help to me, so please don’t give up on it!

    1. Thanks Randy for your compliment of The CP Diary. I intend to continue. I’ve worked so hard to get this far; you have my word I’m not giving up.

      I’m not sure any form of abuse wouldn’t dampen the soul or spirit Randy. When we are physically abused we have not only the physical ramifications to deal with, but the emotional ramifications as well. Just because we’re physically abused doesn’t mean we won’t have to deal with those scars on an emotional level. The soul is tampered with one way or another, there is no getting away from it.

      I think it does make it harder and agree with you; when there is emotional abuse and no support, we will find it hard to recognise our own qualities. It’s usually those qualities that go on to shape our lives as adults.

      It’s not to say we can’t begin to recognise these traits. We tend to use a lot of coping mechanisms to begin with, but once we begin to internalise our thoughts and experiences and begin to see the bigger picture of everyone’s contribution and role, I believe we can start to rebuild our lives again; by a new and improved understanding.

      The CP Diary is the culmination of the many changes I’ve put myself through. I believe you too can change the way you perceive your life and make the relevant changes. You already have a base to start your new life on through your own experiences, but I’m not sure you see what it is. You can help others through your experiences.

      You’re no different to me Randy. I believe you can do it.

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