Fix things

I used to know someone who instead of trying to fix his problems, would spend his time constantly moaning about them.

Personally, I can’t see the attraction, but I have never come to understood why some people would choose to spend so much time and energy moaning, when they could fix the same problem in half the time instead. Perhaps I’m missing something, but what’s the point?

What I know is that if we learned to spend less time moaning and more time ascertaining whether what we’re moaning about can be fixed, we’d have less stress to deal with. If we know something isn’t going to or hasn’t worked, perhaps then we just need to find something that will. It doesn’t mean we’ve failed, it just means we need to find a way that works better for us.

How we handle our problems are very much key. I tend to stand back, so that I’m looking at those problems from the outside in. That way I get to see the bigger picture. If we equate our problems to falling off a bike, you fall off, you get back up and try again. Whatever happens, you don’t give up.

Moaning is such a waste of time, effort and energy, not to mention stressful. If anything, it turns people off wanting to listen, or help us and just makes us feel more miserable, not to mention ill because of stress.


24 Jan, 2016

14 thoughts on “Fix things

  1. I like to call it, “doing the backstroke in the pity pot” for those times when I’m wallowing in my misery which I used to do so well.

    We ultimately do have a choice as to whether to stay in there or get out of there. People so often feel like there isn’t anything they can do to fix their problem!

    It usually has more to do with them not being able to get their own way or what they want, which my parents were so good at. My dad wanted a normal wife and mother, while my mother wanted, a rich handsome sugar daddy, which my father definitely wasn’t. The worst part was that they dragged us down with them, when we should have had a chance to just be kids!

    This where the serenity prayer comes in handy as far as being able to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference!

    I have wasted far too many years pissing and moaning about how horrible my childhood was. I made a lot of bad choices as an adult too, but no one ever really provided a good example on how to actually be an adult. We had to make a lot of adult decisions as children, so it’s no wonder we all screwed up in so many different ways.

    I have wondered so many times as to why people seemed to deliberately sabotage their own lives, when I was doing it myself too. Life definitely isn’t always fair, which is one of so many things that I cannot change.

    I have had to accept things like my daughter having CP, although that doesn’t mean I have to like it! I wonder why she isn’t getting out and doing more, but have to stop and realize how self conscious she must be.

    People can be so very shallow and only see her disability, when she is such a great person. It may come down to me having to take her by the hand and helping her to do more, since her mother doesn’t seem capable of doing it, for whatever reason.

    She is definitely someone who won’t change and doesn’t really seem to want to, but that is her choice, so I have to do what’s right for my daughter in the end!

    1. Thanks Randy. You completely understand your life as the child and life as the adult now.

      I personally believe we’re meant to have the life we have and although it’s not easy and if we understood the concept a little more, we’d probably refute our understanding of that.

      I do think you’re right about change. We change if we want to change. The sad reality is that more of us could choose to change, but it often seems easier not to. In the longer term I believe it’s harder, but that with a little more effort, we can change more than we think.

      It’s about perspective. I think we learn a lot from our childhoods, most of all how not to do things. Even if we cannot change everything, we can fix things, so at least we don’t repeat what we’ve had in our own childhood, with our children.

  2. The hospital I was born at, told my parents if I didn’t die by the time they took me home, I’d never walk, be blind, deaf and that I’d be a vegetable and/or have cerebral palsy.

    They gave my mom and dad a 2 week life expectancy. Every year on my birthday, my mother would write a letter to the intensive care unit at the hospital to show them we proved them wrong and a photo.

    1. Wow Bonnie! What a response. We hear so many times how babies are written off. I think your case has shown how wrong doctors can be, gladly.

      I’m not sure as a Doctor, if I were in that position, I would be so direct about it. Doctors’ don’t take other things into consideration like a baby’s will or determination to survive, against the odds.

      I think your mum was right to write to the hospital in the way she did. You proved them wrong. Perhaps doctors need to be more open minded about babies and the odds!

  3. My parents told me there were babies passing away on the same floor where I was kept. At the time, I was the smallest survivor. Now babies are being saved a lot smaller!

    My parents had 14 pregnancies and 3 of us lived. I was the 11th baby. My poor mom just couldn’t keep any of the babies to full term except my eldest sister.

    Yes we sure proved them wrong!! My other sister was born about 6 weeks early and I was born 17 weeks early. That was in 1982. My sister who was premature also was born in 1979.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. You sure did! Your parents must have gone through hard times with 14 pregnancies in total and have both shown their resilience in the face of adversity.

      My mum us to tell me that where there was a will there was a way and I believe that to be true. When we come to persevere for long enough, things can eventually work. Your parents have been blessed with three beautiful children.

      Spiritually your brothers/sisters who didn’t make it, will all have grown up in spirit. When babies pass they grow up in spirit. It’s not the same thing for adults when they pass, because they have already lived their lives.

  4. I was going to write a response to this, but I have been totally blown away by Bonnie’s replies and don’t feel I should say anything other than Bonnie you are amazing!

  5. Thank you Brad!! That’s really sweet, also as always thank you Ilana! I thank my parents and God for everything!

    My grandpa told me not long ago it was a rough start that it’s amazing I walk at all. I didn’t walk until I was 4. Don’t remember much of that. I still fall easily, but having it this was my whole life and I don’t know any different.

    I was blessed enough to carry all 3 of my babies to full term!! So glad I had them in my early 20s.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. It’s lovely that you have such a supportive family that give you moral support. What they say and how they react to you, will make a difference to how you see and perceive your disability.

      Although you and I can never be fixed in the true sense, knowing what we have (in your case still to find out) can emotionally make us whole again. I believe you will get to find out.

  6. Thank you Ilana! Yes I very much agree!! My parents drove an hour away EVERY DAY to see me in the hospital where I was for 3 or 4 months.

    At one time the doctors again, were telling my parents I wouldn’t make it and it would be more humane to unplug the machine. My dad who was considering it, my poor mom crying (after losing numerous babies) said he felt an odd sensation on the back of his head and a heavy presence of his dad and told the doctor “no, put 110% into the baby.”

    If it wasn’t for my parents going there every day, I would have possibly passed on for the simple reason of neglect. My heart goes out to my mom and dad for the heartache they’ve been through over and over again.

    1. Amazing story Bonnie. Thank you!! It just goes to show how resilient the human spirit is. Had your dad not had the foresight through his dad, to know it was right to nurture you, you may not have lived to tell this wonderful story.

      I’m so pleased you did. Your story shows there is good in the world. Beautiful story.

  7. Awww thank you Ilana! I wish my mom would get on her and tell her side. Straight from the source! Her telling it would make it more interesting.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. I understand but not to is also good. I think you’re parents having gone through what they went through with you, with all the hospital staff, will already know your plight, although they won’t know fully how things turned out for you.

      Those that matter to you and your family already know. The universe also knows and has been with you every step of the way. Surviving against all the odds is part of the Universal scenario.

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