Giving ourselves control

I’m not sure how long I was in counselling, before I decided to come out of counselling. I had literally got to the stage where something just wasn’t working for me.

The tools I needed to help me deal with my issues weren’t happening, so talking didn’t help. To some extent talking made me more frustrated. After years of counselling, I came to realise it was up to me, only I could help myself.

I think it’s true that no matter how good we are or how helpful we are we cannot put something right for someone else; they have to do that for themselves. We cannot fix someone else’s life; we cannot save nor change another person. We also cannot make someone else see what we see. They have to be able to see things for themselves.

I believe though, that we can inspire others with our thoughts and even our own choices in the hope that what we say and what we see, has an impact on the way they see their own lives.


31 Dec, 2013

4 thoughts on “Giving ourselves control

  1. This is so true. It took me a while to realize that I couldn’t save people that they had to do it for themselves. As a nurse I thought I could.

    I sought out counseling when I was married to my first husband. The counselor helped me realize this. I was trying to save my husband from a life of alcoholism and other addictions. I had to accept that he had to help himself, I couldn’t do it for him.

    In the AA (alcoholics anonymous) the first step is to realize you have a problem. I realized he had a problem but he had to see it himself and then take care of it himself, hoping I would have some kind of positive impact on him.

    We have to hope that our actions and how we live our lives have a positive impact on the person with the problem.

    1. Thanks Lisa. We hope that how we live will have a positive impact on the person with the problem, but as you have seen Lisa that’s not always the case.

      We cannot erase their past, or their issues, only they can do that but with a positive lifestyle and mental attitude and the right help, there is no reason why something won’t change.

      I think it comes to all when we realise that we have to help ourselves, no one can help us that way.

  2. I’ve been getting to that point myself lately where I almost feel like my insurance is paying for someone just to talk to me!

    I have been in counseling off and on for the past 20 years, so it does seem kind of pointless right now. It does seem like a foreign concept for me to feel like I have control over my own life. The hardest part for me has been to realize that I can’t actually change someone life if they don’t want to do it.

    The most I can do is work on changing my own life, so that I could be available to help others if they wish to do so!

    1. Thanks Randy. It’s a strange feeling in the beginning when we come to realise we have control over our life. It becomes the best feeling in the world when we can think and what we think has an impact on how we live our life without others having that control or hold over us.

      I agree with your last sentence Randy. When we work and begin to change our own life, we’re best placed to help others with their life through our positive experiences.

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