How I feel today

I had my journal all planned out, then I woke up and my day started to go pear shaped, so I’ll publish that journal tomorrow. We tend to rely on a network of people who support us through our life and although we don’t equate most of those people or see them as a support, I believe they still are.

Those people are our Doctors, Hairdressers, Dentists, Opticians, anyone who looks after us, any one who allows us to live our life without too many problems, or if we have a problem, for them to help us address those problems, so that we can get back on our feet quickly. First it was my Dentist, now my Hairdressers. I’m just wondering why is it such an effort for people just to be nice.

It’s when I have to deal with those things that I look at what I deal with through my physical and emotional problems and although I have written a journal about coming back to this point, it’s probably something I will always revisit in stressful times. I not only come back to it, I know I’ll have to deal with coming back to it. It never goes away; those thoughts are never far away.

Turning to my thoughts about my Cerebral Palsy. Claudia had her hair cut yesterday and looked absolutely amazing as she went out wearing a beret she bought on a school exchange this week in Spain. She came back with new ideas on how she wants to dress. She looked fabulous.

Although I was so proud of seeing how wonderful she looked and how proud I was of her, it took me back to my own thoughts. Looking at her oozing with confidence just at that moment, I realised what a struggle that sometimes was for me, because Cerebral Palsy.


30 Oct, 2010

6 thoughts on “How I feel today

  1. The gift of youth to have more of your life in front of you then behind is a beautiful thing. The trouble with it is they have to go through all those hard life lessons that we have done already.

    I don’t know first hand what it’s like to have CP, but I imagine I would much rather not have to cope with it, just like having bipolar disorder. It’s a leg iron slowing me and wearing me down on a daily basis. But maybe if I didn’t have something slowing me down life wouldn’t have turned out this well.

    I usually try and see that it could be worse and adjust to my day accordingly.

    1. Brian you are absolutely right in what you say. Being young means a beautiful life ahead, but they will also have their lessons as we have had ours.

      I know my father wouldn’t swap his age with any one younger for that reason. I also go with your sentiments that I could have my CP worse, so I go with my own day accordingly, but there are gentle reminders I feel that bring me back to that point.

      That for me is hard. I do cope well with it, but I am never free of it.

  2. Some of these people can be so uppity and some can be so caring. Doctors are notorious. You just have to find the right one’s. I went to several doctors until I found the right one… and the same with my dentist. I finally found the right one.

    I agree with Brian about youth. They do have all the lovely experiences to look forward to that we have already experienced. We can support them and teach them what we have learned, but we have to let them live their life and step in, when they’re in danger.

    I sometimes morn for the youthfulness I used to have but age can be cruel to us. We just have to do the best we can with what we have and accept ourselves for us. How we act and how we care for others is important too. Will we be remembered for how we look or what we did for others?

    Looks don’t matter to me as much as how people treat me and other people. I think you’re a very beautiful person inside and out.

    1. Thank you for your comments Lisa. I totally agree with your sentiments. It is important to care and it’s important to be there for other people.

      This is who I am, but it’s a shame that others don’t always behave in the same way, as I found out to my cost yesterday!

  3. I always agree with what everyone has to say on here. We all have our own experiences, some have worse than others, but really we don’t know what it’s truly like for that person, because we haven’t walked in their shoes.

    Their/our perspective is their/our own experience. Today was the first time I really noticed my odd walking. I had to walk over to my mom’s house from mine, which isn’t far.

    As I was walking I’m looking at my shadow and see how weird it really looks. I noticed the further I walk the more limping I do and my hips are all over the place!

    1. Thanks Bonnie. Yes, you’re right. It wouldn’t be for us to agree or not agree. We’re all here to share our own experiences.

      It’s hard to look at our misgivings in the way we have to when we’re dealing with any condition. I know how you feel. I used to tell my mum that even when I was standing straight my body tilted and that used to bother me.

      Of course now I have come to terms with it, it doesn’t bother me, but finding an acceptance is important if we are to emotionally move on.

      I’m pleased you weren’t or didn’t seem upset, when you were first aware of your odd walking. Your analogy of how you looked, tells me you were making fun of the situation rather than pick holes in how you walked.

      I think it’s a good way to be. We can’t change what condition we’re born with, we just have to find a way to be okay with it.

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