How to take control

Those people who have controlling tendencies have low self-esteem and are insecure, therefore it’s important we make sure we deal with that person in such a way that their self-esteem isn’t lowered further.

How do we take control from someone who has controlling tendencies?

The following tips may help:

  • Be co-operative with the person who is trying to control you. Show that person that you are a team player and that you’re both equal and should be treated as such;
  • Try to stay level headed when you communicate so that you’re in control of how you handle yourself. Talk about how you feel, so that person is aware of how you feel about their controlling behaviour;
  • Be strong and show no signs of weakness. People who control tend to control more when they know they are dealing with a weak person;
  • Try to re-assert your authority so that person knows you will not be controlled;
  • Positive affirmations help build confidence around people who are trying to control us. Affirmations can be recited any time of day and don’t have to be written down. For example, I am strong; I can be myself; I don’t have to be controlled and neither will I be controlled.

No one has a right to be controlled, in the same way we haven’t got a right to control. I believe the need for control comes from a life of dysfunctional behaviour. The perpetrator will have lived that life or been around others who were controlling to them. I believe control is part of the narcissist scenario.

Nothing will change unless we take the first steps to recognise and acknowledge control, but with hard work and determination, we can bring about the necessary change.


31 Mar, 2011

4 thoughts on “How to take control

  1. I’ve been controlled once that I know of and I got out of the relationship which was hard to do. The person still tried to assert some control even when I got married!

    Good information Ilana.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I totally understand as I am sure will many other people. Glad you were assertive enough to stop it from happening twice.

  2. If you live with a controlling person, you learn coping skills for what works and what doesn’t.

    I know with me if I raise my voice in a certain tone, my father knows not to mess with me. He will call me on it, but knows not to push me any further.

    1. Yes you are right Randy, we can learn how to cope with certain situations and people better, but I would still think it depends very much on the person with the tendency to control.

      From my own experience, people who are controlling tend to move the boundaries daily with no consistencies at all, which makes coping and putting our own strategies into place that much harder.

      From what I have seen in my life, it doesn’t always help; but I’m glad if what you do works for you.

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