How to take control

Although it’s not easy dealing with people who have controlling tendencies, part of their control is tied into self-esteem issues. How do we take control from someone who has controlling tendencies?

The following may be helpful:

  • Be co-operative with the person who is trying to control you. Show that person you’re are a team player and that you’re both equal and should be treated as such;
  • Try to stay level headed when you communicate so that you’re in control of how you handle yourself. Talk about how you feel to the person controlling you, so he is aware of how you feel about his or her behaviour;
  • Be strong and try not to show any signs of weakness. People who control tend to control more when they know they are dealing with a weak person;
  • Try to re-assert your authority so that person knows you will not be controlled;
  • If you use affirmations, positive affirmations help build confidence. Affirmations can be recited any time of day and don’t have to be written down.

In the same way we haven’t got a right to control, no one has a right to be controlled. The need for control comes from a life of dysfunctional behaviour. Those who control will have lived that life or been around others who have perhaps controlled them.

31 Mar, 2011

4 thoughts on “How to take control

  1. I’ve been controlled once that I know of and I got out of the relationship which was hard to do. The person still tried to assert some control even when I got married!

    Good information Ilana.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I totally understand as I am sure will many other people. Glad you were assertive enough to stop it from happening twice.

  2. If you live with a controlling person, you learn coping skills for what works and what doesn’t.

    I know with me if I raise my voice in a certain tone, my father knows not to mess with me. He will call me on it, but knows not to push me any further.

    1. Yes you are right Randy, we can learn how to cope with certain situations and people better, but I would still think it depends very much on the person with the tendency to control.

      From my own experience, people who are controlling tend to move the boundaries daily with no consistencies at all, which makes coping and putting our own strategies into place that much harder.

      From what I have seen in my life, it doesn’t always help; but I’m glad if what you do works for you.

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