How we talk to others

We don’t stop to think that what we say will not only get us into trouble, but will hurt someone else in the process.

I was forever doing it as a child and although my mum never took the time to work out why I was angry, she would tell me to think about my words and that if what I was going to say was going to offend I shouldn’t bother saying it at all.

It’s a shame she or my family didn’t think to understand why. It would go on to take me many years to change the way I expressed myself and put better words into practice. I think it important we engage with our thoughts first, then act.

It means that not only will the right process save us getting into trouble, but it will also save us from falling out with those people we go on to hurt.


4 Dec, 2014

6 thoughts on “How we talk to others

  1. Yes, we should all think before we speak. Will what we say hurt someone else and will we get into “trouble” if we say it? I don’t usually say anything to hurt others if I can help it.

    I think we say the wrong things in the heat of the moment. If we’re angry, etc. I think words hurt worse than the beating. We usually end up with very deep scars from words more than from a beating.

    The physical scars will go away but verbal scars stay for a long time.

    1. Although both aren’t good Lisa I do agree with you that physical scars do eventually go away, but I’m not sure either form are easily forgotten. Emotionally we will still deal with the same amount of trauma.

      I think if we’re able to see the bigger picture of why someone says hurtful things we will know not to take what they say personally. I know in my own case I needed help with what I was dealing with. What I was presenting wasn’t how I was at all.

      The problem we have is that we fail to see what the other person deals with, so take what they say as something personal and think that’s who they are, when it’s not.

  2. Yes, I’ve had to work on this myself considering I used to just say whatever came to my mind without ever stopping to think!

    I was also very angry which no one ever really seemed to notice and should have been addressed as it was never appropriate the way I acted. I came to be a person I didn’t like so I tried to totally disconnect from that part of myself.

    The down side of that, was that it also cut me off from connecting with other people which is kind of necessary for everyday living. I learned how to survive by living like a vulcan, which isn’t very possible since I’m actually human!

    This is why I always stop to think about what it is that I’m going to say, which people don’t always understand! My girlfriend definitely doesn’t, so I have to remember to be very patient with people who don’t get it!

    1. Yes although your scenario and what you had to deal with was different to mine, we both had things to deal with that weren’t being addressed!

      I hope you’re okay now Randy. I know how you feel. It’s hard work, particularly as you’re not to blame and yet people treat you as if you are. As I began to stand back, I began to see things more clearly and that helped me turn my life around.

      I hope you’re managing to deal with what you’ve had to deal with Randy and that you’re doing better.

  3. I have won many prizes in the ‘how not to talk to people’ contest as I thought that everyone else should have the same sense of humour as me. How wrong could I be. I have (slowly) learned over the years that the recipient of my ‘wit’ was the measure of how it should be delivered and not me; and my relationships have become better for it.

    I will always have my sense of humour, but I have learned how important it is that it is kept under control and adjusted for circumstances, by thinking first, as you point out.

    1. I think your last paragraph will resonate with others too. I think that’s what life is all about. We must adjust our our thoughts to suit our circumstances and must learn to hold back where we feel it’s appropriate.

      Not everyone will have the same understanding or tolerance of those people with ‘a sense of humour.’ Those of us who deal with anger issues must learn to address the symptoms behind their anger. That becomes a totally different issue.

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