When I found out my father was terminally ill, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to watch his declining health. I began to cope reasonably well, as I was able to dip into my father’s life at a pace that I could cope with.
Because of my Cerebral Palsy, I have abnormal sensation and perception problems, which means I have difficulty in the way my brain interprets what I see when people are ill, so the image of their illness become slightly exaggerated. I also have problems in the way I perceive and make sense of things around me.
I’ve been like this since I was little, although this only started to become to clear to me in my twenties. As a child my parents shielded me from illness so I wasn’t aware I had it. I’m only beginning to see and understand it a little more now.
Over the years I’ve learned to switch off emotionally so that I can continue to live my life normally. I would struggle to live along side someone close with a chronic illness, which affected their appearance, because it’s not something I could easily avoid.
The first time I realised I had a problem was when my father-in-law was terminally ill and I was 25. It’s a part of my life I do struggle with, but I cope slightly better now that I’m getting older, but it’s still not easy.