I haven’t written a journal about my childhood for a while now, but what I am about to write was in my mind this morning after having had a conversation with my father last night, when we were talking about my family’s reactions to me having Cerebral Palsy.
My father acknowledged mistakes, but cannot remember the detail. I know that I cannot change all the mistakes my family went on to make, but in effect it’s those mistakes that became the normal routine for decades.
For example, in a family with no emotional input, being independent means we’re more likely to survive the ordeal that or we wait for the time to pass until such a time we become the adult, so that we don’t make the same mistakes our parents made. I subconsciously chose the latter.
If we’re brought up knowing our parents don’t have money, we eventually learn not to ask. I see that has implications too, because we will find it hard to spend money on ourselves, although we may find it easier to spend money on others. It’s all to do with our unconscious thoughts.
How do we break childhood patterns? We must change both our subconscious and conscious mind so they begin to think the same thoughts. A lot of our life consists of repeated patterns and those patterns need to change. This is how it’s changed.
Start to jot down some of those memories and put them in order so that you can see the pattern of your family’s behaviour, to ascertain if those behaviours concern you, and whether those situations we’re in your control.
To be cont.d/2