Lost opportunities

18 Mar

Having gone out last weekend feeling well and coming back feeling poorly, brings home the health issues I’m dealing with. I cope with that but what bothers me more is the fact that having had no opportunities to do anything as a child, means that now I’m also in the same position, because I have my health to think about first, which comes between me and any would be opportunities. Even thinking about doing something can affect my physical health. Preparation takes energy and energy puts pressure on my health, which I already struggle with.  I am determined to take a two day break next weekend. That will be a testing time, but I hope I’m up to it.

4 Responses to “Lost opportunities”

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  1. Lisa Cyr 18. Mar, 2014 at 9:34 am #

    I hope you’re up to it also. I think you’ll do fine. I hope you enjoy yourself, you deserve a break.

    • Ilana 18. Mar, 2014 at 9:58 am #

      Thanks Lisa!! I’ll be working on it.

  2. Randy Michaud 18. Mar, 2014 at 1:07 pm #

    Yes it can be very frustrating when you feel so limited on what you can do.

    I may not have the same issues that you do, but I do have to be aware of what I can and can’t do which can be very depressing at times. My body reacts very poorly to high levels of stress which means I end up feeling physically ill after being exposed to it for long periods of time.

    My parents never really taught us appropriate life skills so we definitely missed out on a lot of opportunities when we were kids. I think that what bothers me so much at times is the fact that I could’ve done so much more with my life if I had the opportunities.

    There were many things I wanted to do in my life when I was a child, but due to the fear, doubts and insecurities I gave up on doing really anything.

    I try so hard not to dwell on what could have been, but it’s hard not to especially when it comes to my daughter. I just have to focus on what I can do now so I don’t drive myself crazy!

    • Ilana 18. Mar, 2014 at 3:07 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes different issues, but similar circumstances where opportunities are concerned.

      It’s hard not to dwell and instead of dwelling I use reflection as a means to understand my life and my experiences to this point and beyond.

      I understand your frustrations of where you were and where you are with your life now. We cannot change our parents, our parents’ thinking now, all we can do is change our own thinking and work on the goals we know we can achieve given what we deal with.

      There is never a day go by where I don’t stop trying. As I continue to use reflection as a means to understand my life, I see the bigger picture and that takes the onus off me.

      Your parents failed you, you didn’t fail yourself and that is the difference. This was never about you and your lack of achievements. I hope you see that.

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