The more I delve into my neurological impairments the more I become demoralised. There is no doubt I got a raw deal.
Since all feelings, emotions and dreams stem from the Cerebral Cortex and mine is extensively damaged, I can’t feel or tap into my emotions without having to find another way to do it. I tend to have to work with my intuition and that helps me understand what I see. It also helps me work through the emotional process.
Because my brain doesn’t process feelings in the normal way, I struggle to control emotions like fear without having to talk myself through it. Even then it doesn’t work, because the part of the brain that should help me control and manage those feelings doesn’t work, so I’m on my own until the issue corrects itself, or I find a way through.
I know how fear makes me feel, but unless I find a way to manage and control fear, it takes control of my every waking thought. That would explain why as a child when I struggled with bad thoughts I had trouble shifting those thoughts.
The sad reality is that where family could have helped with my issues, particularly my parents, I was left to work things out on my own. Had questions been asked, my parents would have known why I struggled to take things like bad thoughts away. I still struggle today.
I think the part I struggle with the most, is being ignored and misunderstood because of a lack of ignorance, instead of having the help and support for my parents to try to find out what all my issues were.