The more I delve into my neurological difficulties the more I could become demoralised. There is no doubt I got a raw deal.
Since all feelings, emotions and dreams stem from the Cerebral Cortex and mine is extensively damaged I can’t feel or tap into my emotions, without having to find another way to do it. I tend to have to work with my intuition and that helps me understand what is being presented, and that helps me work through the emotional process.
Because my brain doesn’t process feelings in the normal way, I struggle to control emotions like fear, without having to talk myself through the fear I feel. Even then it doesn’t work, because the part of the brain that should help me control and manage those feelings doesn’t work, so I’m on my own until the issue corrects itself, or I find another way through.
I know how fear makes me feel, but unless I find a way to manage and control that fear, the fear takes control of my every waking thought. That would explain why as a child once I struggled with bad thoughts, I couldn’t shift those thoughts, no matter how hard I tried. Although my mum tried to encourage me around that particular issue, it never worked.
The sad reality is that where family could have helped with my issues, particularly my parents, I was left to work things out on my own. Looking back at my life, I’m not sure what point there was to it all. Had questions been asked, my parents would have known why I struggled to take away things like bad thoughts. I still struggle today.
I think the part I struggled with the most now is having been misunderstood because of a lack of ignorance, instead of having the help to try to find out what all my issues were. What I’m doing now with the Diary, could have been worked through by others, it isn’t difficult; it just needs a little know how and a lot of patience.
The answers are out there, something I have proved. In my next Cerebral Palsy blog, I will write about why and how my dreams are also affected.