I wanted to write about my emotional childhood struggles, growing up because they seem completely relevant now. When I was a child I found it very difficult to shift bad thoughts. I didn’t know how and as many times as I tried, I failed as many times again.
As children we don’t always understand how to move things away, but living in an environment with too much negativity didn’t help. I carried all the hallmarks of depression and of being insecure.
A lot of what we hear, see and experience in the early years, play a part in the running of our lives and as insecure children, we become insecure adults. Nothing changes, we just become good at masking our insecurities, so the outside world can’t see what we feel inside.
Insecurities and fears, which cannot be placed or identified in that moment, are likely to go back further. Everything we’ve heard or seen are stored in our subconscious, recorded as a memory that went with those experiences.
Looking back and understanding more of how the subconscious works, I know it’s something I am going to have to work on. I fear too many traumatic childhood experiences are the reason why.