My childhood struggles

I thought I’d write about my childhood struggles with my emotions, growing up. They seem completely relevant now. When I was a child I found it very difficult to shift my thoughts. I wasn’t capable and as many times as I tried, I failed as many times again.

Of course, as children we don’t always have the capabilities to understand how to move things away and living in a family with so much negativity didn’t help. Even if I could, living in a negative environment would have been hard for anyone to shift.

I carried all the hallmark of being depressed, insecure. That is one memory. A lot of what we hear, see and experience in our formative years, plays a part in the running of our lives, but as insecure children, we then become insecure adults. Nothing changes, we just become good at masking our insecurities, so the outside world doesn’t see what we feel.

Insecurities and fears, which cannot be placed or identified in that moment, are likely to go back further. Everything we’ve heard or seen are stored in our subconscious, recorded as a memory and feelings that went with those experiences.

Looking back and understanding more of how the subconscious works now, I know it was never something I was going to be able to work through. Too many bad experiences are responsible.


29 Oct, 2010

10 thoughts on “My childhood struggles

  1. One of the most vivid memories from my childhood was when I was 7 or 8 years old my father and I were alone at home and he was packing his clothes and I didn’t understand why and so he said rather bluntly that he was going to be moving very far away and I wouldn’t see him for a very long time and then he walked out. Out of the house and out of my life.

    I recall crying hysterically for a long time and finally a little bit at a time I recovered. He returned a few years later and would set up visits to take me places and invariably he would either show up late or not at all. It left me with a fear of abandonment and that led to a life of unhealthy relationships.

    I worked hard to get over all of this and today I understand it wasn’t me, it was him. I still have little patience with people that think they are going to leave me waiting. Today I know I’m worth more than that and just leave and go about my life.

    In closing I believe that childhood struggles follow us into adulthood until we are able to cope with them.

    1. I agree with you that childhood struggles do follow us into adulthood, but there are probably a lot of people out there who still struggle do deal with them. They won’t always know how.

  2. I really don’t remember much about my childhood for some reason.

    The one memory is when I went into the hospital for diabetes. I was 8 yrs old and the unpleasantness of needles and I remember telling my father I hated him. of course he knew I loved him but I also know that hurt him.

    I think the low blood sugars I’ve had over the years have affected my memory. But I do know I had it good and I feel sorry for others that didn’t. I feel guilty sometimes because I had a life others didn’t.

    1. I know that in some cases we block out the memories, that are too painful for us to remember. The only problem with that, is that as adults those memories still go on to shape our thoughts as adults and the way we behave.

      You may be right Lisa. There may well be a link between diabetes and memory loss, but would that link take away all of your memories? Worth some investigation.

  3. The most vivid memory from childhood is when I was 8 or 9 and I found out about my sister’s “problem,” which I now know is CP.

    I remember wondering what it was like to have those issues. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital having countless tests and so much blood drawn I thought it would run out. Then I was told I did have the same “condition” as her. I now know is CP.

    For a long time I thought I wished it upon myself, because I wondered.

    1. Bill I completely understand your thoughts, but I know you know CP is not something you can talk yourself into. It was there all along for you, you just didn’t know it back then.

      It must have been very frightening for you. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Anything that is out of the ordinary, that isn’t the norm is frightening. I was told there was nothing wrong with me.

      I think what we have been through Bill is frustrating for the both of us, but we can support one another now, through the sad times, hard times, frustrating times and just because times…

  4. I remember as a child wanting to meet my real Dad, (I grew up some time thinking my step Dad was my Dad).

    When I met my real Dad it was a real let down, but I knew what my Dad was telling me was his side of the story (my Mom’s story was different).

    I learned to forgive him and grew up knowing that my Mom had made the correct choice. So all in all it worked out for us.

    1. Maria isn’t it funny how things work out sometimes. You are right about adults telling their side of the story, instead of the one that’s objective.

      Glad it worked out for you. Once less of your memories to worry about.

    1. Junior you are right, we sometimes have to go through pain to come out stronger the other end, but I firmly believe working through our ‘issues’ help us become better people.

      Thank you for posting… and thank you for your kind comments.

Leave a Reply to Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *