My choice

22 Mar 2016

For me having Cerebral Palsy is like riding on a run away train, on a different track, driverless and out of control with no way to get off and heading towards a destination that I can neither see, nor have a choice as to where the journey will take me.

I don’t have a choice because neurologically, physically and emotionally my life is centred around Cerebral Palsy. There are almost uncertain times and challenges ahead, but as I come to understand what those challenges will be, I will continue to adapt into the life I’ve been given that I know I can’t change. That is my choice.

6 Responses to “My choice”

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  1. Randy 22. Mar, 2016 at 2:17 pm #

    Ultimately, what it comes down to is that we have a choice on whether we want to deal with our issues or not!

    We can’t change the ones we have; like you with CP or me with depression, but learning how to deal with them is possible. It doesn’t mean that we have to like having them, but we do have to accept them for what they are.

    It dawned on me this morning that I have spent most of my life running from my issues and suffered accordingly. There were so many lost chances and opportunities that I let pass me by; just because I didn’t think I could get past my issues to be able to do them.

    I’m thinking that is probably what holds my own daughter back, because she thinks more about the things she can’t do because of her CP rather than focusing on what she can do.

    She hasn’t ever really been shown how to adapt and change, so that she would be able to do a lot more than she has, even with her limitations! I had hoped that her mother would have helped her to do this, but I should have known better, since she didn’t do it in the first 21 years of her life.

    My instincts with my daughter on how to help her when she was young, on how to help her learn how to do things came naturally to me; and I only wish I had stuck with it!

    Yes, what it comes down to is that we do have a choice when it comes to living our own lives. We can either learn to truly live our lives in our own way, or allow people to tell us how to live it.

    I have wasted far too many years doing this, simply because I worried more about more about what people had been telling me most of my life. I was stuck more in what I was told to do, rather than finding my own way, which most people have a chance to do when they grow up.

    I have to work more on focusing on the present and to mourn and accept the fact of what could have been!

    • Ilana 22. Mar, 2016 at 3:19 pm #

      Yes ditto on your thoughts, thanks Randy.

      As a child I had no choices. As the adult I had to wait for those possibilities, but both came later in life. I changed my past by going back to study and starting The CP Diary and I’ve not looked back since.

      The mandatory choices I have made for my family are part of the family scenario and am lucky to have that, but would say you’re absolutely right.

      We do have choices, even if those choices aren’t there in our formative years. We have to make them happen.

  2. Tim 23. Mar, 2016 at 3:06 am #

    As we get older, we tend to see things from the outside in. The more we blend with the universe, the more we merge with something far greater than ourselves. I believe you have a keen understanding of things.

    What you wish for is coming to you Ilana, and it will grow with you forever.

    • Ilana 23. Mar, 2016 at 8:22 am #

      Awww thanks Tim. I believe that too.

      Yes the more we blend with the universe the more our life pieces together. We can’t change those things of course, but we can bring about new understanding, which is what I always try to do.

  3. Maria Lunde 23. Mar, 2016 at 3:28 am #

    Living with CP can be challenging, but because of the challenges I have faced I am who I am today.

    I find the emotional aspect of it more difficult to deal with than the physical one. It can be a bit lonesome when people don’t know and take the time to understand what we go through. That’s why we need to spread disability awareness.

    • Ilana 23. Mar, 2016 at 8:29 am #

      Thanks Maria. Yes it can be a lonely life in many respects because no one talks about what we deal with through our disability. This is why the support on something like my site helps because we talk about the things that matter through my blogs.

      Like you, I also feel it’s important to spread awareness about disability, but we can only go so far. There is still a stigma around disability and until that lifts and disability becomes the ‘norm’ it will take talking about it, some time to filter through.

      Our families can make a difference, but often choose not to.

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