My constant frustrations

Today I woke up with such frustration, not sure I had that much in me. But the realities of what I’ve had to deal with in the last few months have seemed to consciously hit home this morning.

I take the view that problems don’t last forever, so that helps me cope with what I have to deal with; but my frustrations are based on having to deal with all of my problems including the lack of support and the issues around my Cerebral Palsy.

When I look back on my life, I’ve never had life easy; so it’s not like all my struggles are new to me. I’m beginning to feel tired and just wish that one day, my life would be near to what I would call normal. We can’t completely define normal, but normal to me would be just to be able to me, without the on-going daily problems that I have to deal with.

My thoughts constantly go back to the times where I didn’t have the responsibility and although they weren’t good times, they were however times when I had just me to think about. Those were the times I retreated into my own little world, a world where emotionally I felt safe and secure.

Being the adult now means that I have to make the world safe for others and that’s a heavy burden. The problems based around my son’s assault has changed how I see the world and I can’t get that back. I almost want to hibernate. That one day I will wake up and my problems will have been resolved, but unlike a fairytale ending that’s not going to happen.

I need to emotionally rest for a while; clear my head for a bit, but I know I will continue to work on things. After all what choice do I have? What choice do any of us have?


21 Nov, 2011

6 thoughts on “My constant frustrations

  1. Take all the time you need to rest.

    I realise it is hard, but you have to keep up your strength in order to carry on. Try to have hope that things will resolve soon.

    Sometimes other people may be able to help. If they could help with what you deal with even a little bit, that would help.

  2. Try not to be too hard on yourself about it.

    I’ve spent a lot of time hibernating when I don’t feel like dealing with issues in my life; I know where you’re coming from.

    Hope things get better for you soon.

    1. Thanks Randy. I tend to blog out my feelings on what I deal with then once those feelings are out, I move on to my next thought or problem. It’s just the way I tend to work!

      Thank you for your concern Randy. I hope you are okay.

  3. The world is unsafe and unlike past times when we could sleep with our doors unlocked and not worry about our children getting out and experiencing the world. I wish we could go back in time to those days myself.

    I day dream of it occasionally. Maybe one day we’ll be able to feel more comfortable in our own homes but I’m not holding my breath until then.

    I hope with all that your dealing with gets 100% better and it will be just a bad memory that you won’t think about often.

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