I believe that parents however they raise us as kids, will never get it right one hundred per cent.
Being a parent myself, I know I will do okay at some things, but probably not all, but what about those who haven’t had the best input and yet we continue to carry guilt over our parents’ actions?
Yesterday, I talked about the fact that my parents chose to ignore my Cerebral Palsy and in them doing so, it was I that carried the guilt. I also carried guilt for not persevering in school when I found it extremely difficult to keep up and I was constantly falling behind. I carried guilt when my sister asked me why I wasn’t working, when in truth I was already struggling.
I carried guilt for not doing well in exams and guilt for not making headway in the most important years of my life. My biggest guilt was ripping up school reports, because I couldn’t bear to read the comments made by my teachers and yet with my parents’ they were the ones to blame. I carried the guilt for years, but see now that guilt had nothing to do with me.
After some 44 years and extensive work on my part to work through my physical, emotional and neurological issues, my life had always been a consequence of others’ inability to guide, help and support me; including my parents and teachers in school.
I have had to learn how to pick up the pieces again after so many years of negativity, but the opportunity to stop beating myself up about my education came just before my mother died, when I decided enough was enough and went back to study.