My last thought on this

The Queen’s speech on Christmas Day was about how we reflect on our lives and reflection has brought me to this place.

I am where I am because of consequences of the decisions made for me, rather than by me. I’ve been swept along and was expected to conform completely. It’s a bizarre concept to think that I have only ever made four decisions in my life.

The first was when to go back to study; the second was what to study; the third was to find out what was wrong with me after 46 years and the fourth was to start something positive when I found out I had Cerebral Palsy, so I started The CP Diary. All these decisions have been life changing.

Of course, none of us can turn back the clock, nor can we re-write history on our childhood, with our parents and or siblings; but we must find a place for ourselves where we can come to terms with everything that happens.

It was expected I would conform until my circumstances changed and I was left with no choice, last March.


27 Dec, 2013

8 thoughts on “My last thought on this

  1. You made some great decisions for yourself.

    I have made a few for myself. I didn’t want to make decisions for myself. I used to want someone else to do it. I don’t know why, I guess it’s because growing up the decisions were always made for me and that was what I was used to. Now that I’m older I would rather make my own decisions, which I have.

    Once I’ve made those decisions I don’t go back and change my mind even though the people around me advise me against the decisions that I’ve made. Like the adoption. It was met with people telling me that I really don’t want to do it, or I shouldn’t do it.

    One excuse my aunt gave me, was that my husband and I are now without any kids at home and we should get out and enjoy ourselves, not be tied down with another child, especially one with great special needs.

    Of course that got all over me and made me mad. But you know what? It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’ve also made another decision to go back to school and finish my degree. Of course I was also advised against it! I’m trying to make my own decisions and learning from them.

    I think the decisions you have made are wonderful and you’re doing such a great job with the site. Keep up the good work!!!!!!!

    1. Thanks Lisa! I have to say I was the opposite. I was desperate to make my own decisions, have my own life, be independent. None of which happened even after I left home. In some cases it can even mess with your head, but I was grounded enough in other areas to understand my life.

      I’m just pleased I am now doing better. I think the four decisions I have made are the best decisions.

      I’m glad you love the site as much as I do Lisa. Your support is wonderful. Thank you.

        1. Thanks Lisa. It’s just a shame I wasn’t able to make any decisions earlier.

          That said, the decisions I went on to make at that time have brought me to The CP Diary, so I’m more than happy with that.

          I tend not to look back at what could or should have been. There’s no point to it. I would rather learn and find ways to change circumstances so that I can make my life or my family’s life better.

          That’s the way I tend to play it.

  2. Wow, you do always seem to bring up issues that are really important to consider!

    I didn’t know quite how to describe it but being swept along was a very good way to put it. Most of the time I have made decisions that were good for everyone else but me!

    I haven’t felt like I was worthy of going for what I wanted rather than doing what everyone else wanted me to. I’m just feeling very angry right now and need to figure out how to process these feelings safely!

    Thanks for sharing what’s on your mind, since it’s usually so relevant to what’s going on in my life!

    1. Thanks Randy. You’re welcome. Sometimes we just have to say No instead of Yes all the time.

      At the time it always seems easier to fall into line and be swept along, but it’s never easier in the longer term. There is always an underlying current of us having to conform, unless we’re lucky enough to be born to parents who allow and encourage us to make our own decisions.

      It should always be up to the individual to make his or her decision on what he/she wants to do. I hope you begin to feel better soon.

  3. You have made many wonderful decisions in your life and you have helped many other people make decisions for themselves through your work. I bear witness as a recipient.

    There is some validity that some things happen for a reason, and I’m writing on the CP Dairy because of it.

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