My traffic jam

Daily, the hardest thing I need to face is the traffic jam in my head. Thinking about going back into old situations can set alarm bells ringing at the mere thought.

Telling myself things will be okay, doesn’t make those things okay. If I can’t make things okay, I tend to have to walk away, or find an alternative that feels better than the situation I’m trying to work out or fit into. It’s easy to feel out of my depth that can happen within seconds, with no warning at all.

Most situations would fit for people with normal thinking, with my neurological disorder, it makes it that little bit harder, things hardly ever fit, unless the issue is straight forward enough, or I have a resolve on it.

It would be like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. I tend to have to be on my guard all the time and that makes dealing with issues and my emotions difficult.

Sadly, other people’s lack of understanding of my reactions can sometimes bring about a nervous tension for me. Struggling with social situations and a traffic jam in my head is something I’ve always had to deal with.

For others, these issues probably aren’t on the radar, but for me they’re always on the radar and not always easily sorted, unless I have complete understanding and even with the understanding, it’s got to feel and look right. Not everyone will understand or grasp that concept.

I always hope that others will understand. Of course, even if one door closes because I’m not sure about it and another door opens that’s okay; but what’s through the new door still needs to look and feel right for everything to feel normal and fit into place.

As always it’s not easy to manoeuvre myself through the traffic jam. I tend to have to think things through thoroughly before making any decisions, so that things feel and look right.


7 Oct, 2017

4 thoughts on “My traffic jam

  1. I can only imagine how that must be for you. People that don’t have Cerebral Palsy most of the time choose not to understand. They’re too ignorant or simply don’t care.

    Reading your blog, I thought of my daughter. She doesn’t have Cerebral Palsy, but instead ADHD. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and has such a difficult time sorting through priorities and trying to figure what to do first.

    It’s very agonizing for her. Just today she was frustrated and said to herself “why do I have such a different brain that’s stupid,” through tears and it broke my heart.

    I told her she does not have a stupid brain at all, shes very overwhelmed right now and so we’ll brainstorm together and get it figured out. Which we did so she’s feeling better now.

    1. I can resonate and understand your frustrations Bonnie. Your frustrations are my frustrations too, because generally people don’t choose to understand and that will always include family, sadly.

      I love that you’re hands on with your daughter and that you choose to brainstorm your daughter’s issues. I hope my blog goes some way to helping your daughter understand that it’s okay to be different, it’s also okay to be on our own emotionally and be different, because there’s nothing that we can’t work through.

      I learned a long time ago, that those who choose to understand us, will always want to understand us and you clearly do Bonnie. But it’s important that those of us deal with something, we’re not taken in by other people’s rhetoric who claim they want to help, but their actions and words don’t always support us.

      Trying to understand us takes empathy, compassion and tolerance and that has to start with the individual and we need those things first before we can be a support to anyone else.

      I think my site could help your daughter tremendously overcome some of her obstacles. I’ve been where she is.

    1. Knowing that we’re not alone and that others deal with something, not the same but similar I believe helps. That we’re not alone.

      It’s a different way for us to think and we should continue to think like that. Away from that we tend to self-absorb so only concentrate on what we deal with and if we don’t manage, we’re left feeling insecure and alone.

      My site not only helps me understand my life and how I can and get to change things, but my messages are there for others too.

      I’d love to know how your daughter gets on. I’m routing for you both. And Bonnie she’s got you.

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