My unsettling life

I believe life is made up of pictures pertaining to memories of past experiences. If I were to look at my own pictures, it would be easy for me to spiral down into days and months of negativity and that’s simply why I choose not to look back.

My present circumstances are also a reflection and mirrors my past of how I got to this place. Of course I understand the bigger picture of why, but even the bigger picture doesn’t help my thoughts on how given my parentage, coupled with a very negative past, I wasn’t able to change things, even when I tried. But maybe that’s why. Certain things aren’t meant to change.

I know that as issues from my past continue to reoccur, I may never be completely settled but I choose not to give up on my understanding. As with all things, it is our understanding that will help us bring acceptance.


25 Aug, 2014

4 thoughts on “My unsettling life

  1. I too see the past in pictures, but I choose to see only the good times. Occasionally the bad will sneak in but only for a short period. We should try to remember the good, positive things in life and not dwell on the bad or negative.

    This would be a good meditative exercise. See ourselves putting a picture book together. We should put only the positive things in our life in it. We mustn’t let the negative in, only concentrate on the positive.

    Our Current family, graduation from high school, graduation from college, our wedding day, children’s accomplishments, days spent out with our children. Things like that; our accomplishments.

    I do this sometimes and feel so much better.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I absolutely agree with your sentiments. Unfortunately the bad times, the times where I have continued to struggled more than far outweigh the good times.

      That said I see the good times like you do, but the past has a way of catching up with us and some of us have too much of a bad past to allow us to think and feel our way through the good times.

      Unfortunately for me I’m still dealing with certain aspects of my past, which I would be happy to leave behind, but that’s not always the way siblings and family work.

      I love your suggestion and think it will work for other people too. Thanks for your suggestion Lisa.

  2. Wow, so very true and how easy it is to get in the pity pot and wallow in the past with all the mistakes I made! Only recently has it really dawned on me about how little I was taught as a child when it came to life skills.

    My parents never really explained much of anything so it’s no wonder that I haven’t known what to do in so many situations. When it was coupled with the constant negativity, like you said, it made it seem like nothing was even worth trying to accomplish.

    I compare it to a caged animal who won’t come out even when the door is open because they’re so used to the cage. I’m trying to imagine what it’s like to be outside the cage, but it’s going to take a while to get used to!

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes it takes a while to get used to the calm after the storm and sometimes the storm doesn’t completely go!

      Growing up around so much negativity made it very hard for me to accomplish anything. Looking back I can see I accomplished very little, but soon learned how to think and work things through for myself, which, given what I was dealing with is a massive accomplishment.

      Unfortunately our past is our past. We can’t change our past, we can’t change our parents, we can’t change our experiences pertaining to the past, but we can change our perceptions so that we understand our past and how that plays a part in changing our present and future experiences.

      I believe the past should be used as a tool, a stepping stone if you like, for us to change so that we become stronger and more positive in our lives. It’s amazing what anyone can do with a more positive attitude and outlook on things, even if we can’t change everything!

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