Negotiating stress
13 Feb
I want a life that’s quiet, one that doesn’t involve having to compromise my thoughts, feelings and beliefs and where I don’t have to avoid stress for fear of becoming unwell. I am sure that’s what we all want.
The problem is that if we have years of negative history with a particular person; we’re likely to get stressed and unwell. Those are my experiences. Of course communication is the key, but that doesn’t always help because it’s how we communicate that matters and not all of us will get that right. Stress isn’t something that’s created by itself, we don’t consciously look for it; but we do create it.
However, generally speaking if we learned to communicate in more diplomatic ways, people would be more inclined to work with each other. For others though, it may simply not work… not because they set out to cause an argument, but because they’re left with no choice. There are some people who are just incapable of being reasoned with, however hard we try to reason with them.
In any event if we remember to use tact and diplomacy when we communicate, I’m not sure why any of us would be stressed. I was always taught never to overstep my boundaries. I always think about what I want to say and whether what I want to say will have a negative impact on the other person.
I tend to apply that principle to all areas of my life… and I believe it works.
Yes I agree with you. Communication is important. I try to communicate with people the way I want to be communicated with.
I have a family member that is ‘always right’ and ‘knows everything’ even if it’s something she didn’t study in school. She knows everything about everything and unfortunately that’s where the communication problems with her are. I just agree with her and let it go.
I know one day it’s going to get to me, but for now I just let her have her say. Most of the time it’s okay because we agree on things but I won’t argue the issues with her and give her the satisfaction.
If that works for you Lisa then I’m pleased for you. The hard part is when it happens in front of other family members. That scenario isn’t easy.
I tend to avoid situations where I am confronted with that kind of behavior. That way emotionally I don’t put myself into the firing line, or I tend to avoid intense conversations that may lead to more problems.
My father is my biggest headache. I have learned like my mother before me to just agree with him and hold my tongue for the most part to keep the peace. I rarely disagree with him because it doesn’t help the situation.
It just causes a fight, in the end he does what he wants anyway. I guess at nearly 85 he can choose to live his life anyway he wants.
He is not going to change at this age. He has lost people who were close to him at one time because of the way he acts. Sad because those people really cared about him at one time.
Not so much now.
I think you’re right Randy we learn how best to behave with certain people in order to keep the peace.
I am not sure I can agree that even at 85 he should be allowed to choose to live his life any way he pleases, particularly if his behaviour begins to interfere with you.
No one has the right to behave inappropriately. You’d be right in thinking because your father has always behaved this way, he’s probably not going to change now, but I would never accept anyone has the right.
In my family the trouble maker is my brother, he always tends to bring up subjects at the family dinner that sets someone off. What we’ve learned to do is hear him out and then change the subject and that seems to work for us.
Funny thing is that he is a Psychology major, you would think he would know what a trigger is and he seems to ignore it!
Ah, got to love your family – can’t live with them or without them.
I’m smiling Maria, you would think!!
I have to say it sounds like a brother/family thing and has nothing to do with his Psychology major! From what you say he has obviously learned over the years how to pull everyone’s strings at the family dinner table.
I’m sure in time and/or through maturity, he’ll turn something around. Hang on in there!