I was looking at an old photograph of my sister and me when our facial expressions came to mind. Out of the two of us, my sister was always the serious one, whereas I was more carefree.
Looking at the photograph now, my whole life has been a lie. I don’t say that in a disrespectful or malicious way, because that’s not how I am, but up until the point I found out about Cerebral Palsy, everything attached to those times, was a lie, because my condition should have been talked about, brought out into the open.
All of the decisions should have been based on what I was dealing with from what I wore, to my shoes, to my physical constraints. Over the years, my thoughts and feelings were put on the back burner, with decisions being made by my parents, which had nothing to do with the presenting problems.
Given the family mechanics, things were how they were supposed to be. I can see that of course, but my own take is that all of this could have been presented differently. If people take the time, they care enough to make a difference, there is no reason why those differences cannot be made. We just have to want to care.
No matter what happened in my childhood, outwardly I never looked unhappy. In the photograph I look happy, whilst my sister looks reflective. Although I talk about my own life, I choose not to stay reflective for long. I do think about things. Of course I do; as I am sure we all do, but I choose to move forward, every time. I choose not to dwell on the things I cannot change.
My past wasn’t great, there were a lot of things I would have liked to be different, support from family for one, but to dwell now would make me a bitter person and to live in the past would hurt me more.
No one can change their lives from the past, what has passed has gone, but we need to deal with some of those issues. For me now, if something concerns me, I will deal with the issue and move on.