Because I had a tendency to give up on things as a child and I didn’t know or understand, there was very much a reason so that gets me off the hook.
Unfortunately, that didn’t stop my flaws being pointed out, which did very little for my self-esteem. I went through my childhood with blinkers on, because of a lack of understanding on my neurological difficulties. I knew I struggled, I just didn’t know why. Those were very frustrating times.
It’s been 6 years now since I found out about Cerebral Palsy and I’m still finding things out about myself. It’s a side to my life that I find difficult to comprehend. When I think I’ve found a conscious acceptance on how I got to this place, on the things I’ve had to deal with around these issues, my subconscious tells me we’re not done.
It would be difficult to explain this to anyone, let alone the fact that it’s completely true. Behind every action there is a reason and a reaction and those often form part of the symptoms, but not the cause. It’s important we look for and understand other people’s circumstances. To understand my issues, is to understand me. We must never assume or judge because we can never know.
Now that I know, means I am able to work to try to find ways to overcome my tendencies to give up. My blogs show the world a different version of where I was all those years ago. I have to continue to find ways to challenge myself, so that I stay focused.
It certainly puts my struggles into context and for others close to me to understand. It wasn’t me being lazy, I had too many neurological challenges to overcome that continually got in the way.