Reminders of my CP

My weekend was filled with thoughts that I need to blog out. Seeing someone’s reflection in the mirror yesterday took me back to my struggling to look at my own reflection in the mirror, whilst growing up.

Over the years I have challenged myself to look in the mirror so I’m not as bad as I used to be. I tend to consciously focus on what I need to look at, so the problem doesn’t bother me. My other thought turns to exercise. I haven’t been able to exercise for the last four or five days, which has made a difference to the spasms in my leg.

Walking around this weekend in Edinburgh has been tough for me. I need to experience these times because Cerebral Palsy is part of my life. When I constantly remind my family that I need them to slow down on our walks, it acts as a trigger for the thoughts that I have.

I hate having to remind them, but I walk at snail’s pace so it’s inevitable. Perhaps they need to remember for themselves, then I wouldn’t feel so bad. Working on my usual optimism, I know tomorrow will be better.


28 Mar, 2011

8 thoughts on “Reminders of my CP

  1. Yes do what you feel I hope your family understands.

    If they love you they will understand and do what you ask. It is not your fault you cannot walk fast, that is just how you are.

    I have to have a lot of patience when I deal with my nearly 83 year old father. He says to me wait until you are my age and he is right. I do not know what I will be like at nearly 83 if I live that long.

    It all comes down to consideration for the other person. I also hold my tongue a lot and watch what I say, but that is for another time to explain.

    1. When your dad refers to his age Randy I am sure he is talking about the fact that at 83 he wouldn’t be able to walk like he would at 54 or even 64 years of age.

      You have completely different issues with the fact that you deal with CP and therefore have issues with walking. I feel the comparisons are completely different.

      I think when anyone deals with a condition it doesn’t have to be CP, there should and needs to be consideration, but it’s not always easy to remember.

      I don’t believe anyone goes out of their way to forget; they probably just don’t consciously attune their minds to the fact that they are with someone who has CP and may struggle, in my case with my walking. Thanks for posting Randy.

  2. I too avoided looking at myself in the mirror.

    The only times I did was when I combed my hair, but even then I would only look at my hair. I did not look at myself, not because of any visible “deformity,” I just could not look at myself.

    Even now I don’t really look at my reflection, if shaving I look at the razor, if brushing my teeth I look at my teeth and not my face.

    1. I totally understand Bill. I never wanted to look at myself, but am getting better now at just accepting it’s there. I think part of the problem was never being taught to embrace what I had to deal with.

      I am trying to change all of that now. I hope things get better for you too. I am here for you anytime.

  3. Yes, I can identify with not wanting to look at yourself in the mirror.

    I spent a long time trying to avoid that at all costs, because I just couldn’t stand looking at myself.

    I’m trying to move beyond that myself, but I know it isn’t going to change overnight. Like you said, tomorrow will be better!

    1. I am sure Randy given with what we deal with, there will always be those kind of elements.

      I am pleased you are trying to move beyond those thoughts of not wanting to look at yourself. I am here for you. Thank you for posting.

  4. You do what I can’t sometimes. That is ask your family to slow down. I don’t like saying anything to mine, because I usually get no response or, a “yes I know” answer in which they are saying it’s in one ear and out the other like they don’t care.

    Also I look in the mirror and see imperfection and it depresses me. Some of the problems could have been avoided if I had more education about what the environment does to your body.

    Other things I’ve caused just because I wouldn’t listen to anybody. I hate my body and always have. I see it as failing me.

    1. Lisa this is so sad.

      I believe a lot of how we feel about ourselves starts in childhood through our parents parenting us and although over the years we may have many things that we have to deal with that has an effect on us emotionally and physically, if we had been encouraged to like what we see, I believe we would do so much better in liking what we do see. I was never encouraged to embrace anything about myself and having CP made that so much worse.

      I understand the problems with your family too. Maybe if you can, try saying something to them about how you feel. A response is better than no response whatever that response is. You can always control what happens after that, just by speaking out.

      I hope you do get to the stage where you start feeling better about yourself. It will hurt you more to carry all that you feel. I am here for you if you want to talk this through.

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