Why do we see the good in people even if they’ve been less than good? It amazes me how when someone isn’t in our life anymore, we won’t have a bad word said against them. It’s as if they were the perfect friend, the perfect mother, the perfect father.
It doesn’t matter what they did, we tend to see them as faultless and blameless. Perhaps it’s because the mind plays tricks. We either just remember the good times, or we feel compelled to say nice things, because we’re afraid we’ll be struck down by lightening, particularly if they’ve passed and we’re speaking ill of them.
How that plays out in terms of communication with family can be quite difficult. Children tend to stick up for family regardless of who they are. They may often see what we see, but them speaking out of turn may be seen as disrespectful, so they choose not to.
There are adults who may also behave in this way. That may well be true of the older-generation who tend to be more respectful. That person will still be spoken about fondly many years after they’re gone. Of course, I always look to find the positive and good in people, but if that’s not appropriate, I will tell the truth in a tactful way.
I would never woefully speak ill of anyone, it’s not my way, but I won’t make out that a person is saintly either if that’s not how he or she was. It’s important to be as truthful as we can. Whatever or however we choose to say something because it’s important to us, it may be perceived badly.
It’s not to say that we’ve said something wrong. On the contrary we may have played everything by the book, but what we cannot guarantee is that the other person will take what we say in the way it was intended.
I believe we must always see people for how they are and be totally truthful, however hard it is and not so that we’re looking through rose-coloured spectacles.