Rose coloured spectacles

Why do we see the good in people even if they’ve been less than? It fascinates me how when someone isn’t in our life anymore, we won’t have a bad word said. It’s as if they were the perfect friend, the perfect mother, the perfect father.

It doesn’t matter what they did or didn’t say, it doesn’t matter that they didn’t support us like they should have, we tend to see them as faultless and  blameless.

Why do we do this?

Well, I believe the mind tends to plays tricks on us. We either just remember the good times, or we feel compelled to say nice things, because we’re afraid we’ll be struck down by lightening if we speak ill of the dead.

How that plays out in terms of communication with family can be quite difficult. Children tend to stick up for family, regardless of who they are. They often see the same things as we see, but to them speaking out of turn will be seen as disrespectful; so they choose not to.

There are adults who may also behave in the same way. That may well be true of the older-generation who tend to display more respect, even if someone wasn’t so kind and supportive. That person will still be spoken about fondly many years after they’re gone.

Of course, I always look to find the positive and good in people, but if that’s not forthcoming I will tell the truth in an appropriate way. I would never woefully speak ill of anyone, it’s never been my way; but I won’t make out that a person is saintly either, if that’s not how she or he were. It’s important to choose our words carefully, but it’s even more important to be as truthful as we can.

Whatever or however we choose to say something, it may of course be perceived in a less than favourable manner. It’s not to say that we said something wrong, on the contrary we may have played everything by the book, but what we cannot do is guarantee that the other person will take what we say in the way it was intended.

It is of course very difficult when someone sees what you see and yet they recall that person in a completely different light. It can make it virtually impossible to agree, not only on that but in other ways too.

We must see people for how they are and be totally truthful about them, however hard it is.


18 Oct, 2011

8 thoughts on “Rose coloured spectacles

    1. Of course. I do too, but that privilege is not always afforded to us for whatever reason.

      I believe we have times when we have to decide what’s best for us and if that means walking away, as hard as it is to do then that’s what we have to do.

      Thank you for being so honest Randy.

  1. I try to see the good in people because I think that is the right thing to do, but I have also learned that I am often disappointed. I expect people to treat me the way I treat them, but they rarely do.

    Like Randy, I usually don’t want to know then anymore; but relationships are not that straightforward and I am learning not to take my ‘bat home’ like I used to do.

    1. I agree with you. I am pleased that you’re learning not to take your ‘bat home’ to sort out certain situations. In that situation, finding a compromise is often the better route to go down.

      Thank you for posting.

  2. I also look for the good in people… and I don’t speak ill of people that have passed on, I just am honest about my perceptions.

    I think with kids, it’s like they are afraid they will get into trouble if they speak ill of someone. It’s hard to tell what they think when they are young.

    1. That’s great Lisa. I agree with you about kids, it’s very hard to know what they think. They often don’t express themselves even when asked for an opinion.

      I agree it’s also difficult for us to know what they think when they’re young.

  3. I grew up in a very strange world, where things were never quite as they seemed, especially with people, so I learned to grow up with a lot of secrets.

    Now it’s finally coming out, so I’m having to deal with the repercussions. Hopefully I can manage to get through this process somewhat sane!

    1. It’s a shame Randy when that happens; but sometimes we’re left with no choice.

      The important thing is that you’re working through some of what you experienced in the past… and that has to be a good thing. Never give up.

      Thanks for posting Randy.

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