Setting the standards

Parents tend to set our standards from a very early age. One of the most important factors of any child’s upbringing is what that child is exposed to from childhood into adult life.

Children are not only influenced by their parents but are also influenced by extended family as well including their grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. Whether the influences are coming from their parents or anyone else, it is those influences that will have an impact, so it’s important we get those early influences right.

When we influence someone we have an impact on that person’s life, whether we’re consciously aware or not. That person will take what has been absorbed and will apply those influences in their own life regardless of whether they know they’re doing it or not.

That’s fine so long as those influences are right, what we want for them; but will cause friction if those influences are having a bad effect on our children. We all have different standards and it is those different standards that become the conflict between families.

Other problems faced by families are where extended family may not share the same core values. Unfortunately, it is those values that the parent will have to compete with. Without the same values or beliefs it will be hard for any child to know which road to go down.

Values are what we attach importance to, or judge as being important or valuable. Values give our life meaning. They form the foundations so that we are able to make good, solid choices for our family and for ourselves. Other factors based on our values may include a child’s education, external influences and culture which all play its part.

Values are the building blocks and form the basis of our decisions and how we get to live our lives. Our core values, allow us to decide what’s right and what’s wrong. Children will always have external influences, but I believe those influences should not set the standard above the standards set out by their parents. That will only lead to conflict.

Unfortunately, it is these outside influences that begin to interfere with their parents’ role and the parent having to compete with their child. These are my experiences that I am sure others will resonate with.


21 Jun, 2012

6 thoughts on “Setting the standards

  1. I agree with this totally, especially having had the ‘benefit’ of a great amount of external influences throughout my married life, almost all of which has been negative and damaging.

    It took a while but we learned to recognise and limit the influence and are now making efforts to repair the harm.

    It will be a long process.

    1. I think your experiences will reflect many other people’s experiences, possibly in a different format, or even the same.

      It seems to have become the norm. Even if some of those influences don’t come from family, I think society as a whole tend to have their own take on people and their lives.

      I hope things change soon.

  2. Considering I grew up with very low standards, I have always expected the least out of life.

    It has been very difficult to learn how to improve my standards so that my life is a lot better.

    It would be great if I could one day feel comfortable as far as feeling like I deserve a lot better out of life.

    1. I totally understand Randy. Our past has a lot to do with the way we live our life as an adult, but whatever your past has brought, you can change and work to your own standards now.

      As children those standards are set by our parents, but as the adult we can work to make the changes we need to make that will bring about the life we want to live. It’s just a matter of working it through.

      It’s taken me time too, but it’s well worth the effort.

  3. I grew up around my entire family. We were and still are very close. We get together at least twice a year and we live close to each other with a couple of exceptions that live out of state.

    We all have the same beliefs and our grandparents did too, so we all get along great. We wouldn’t mind our kids being around any of the rest of the family since we all share the same beliefs.

    Love is the main thing and we are there for each other in times of need. Our nickname is “The cousins” not too original but it has stuck all these years.

    1. It’s lovely when family share the same beliefs and get on. My experiences are unfortunately the total opposite of your experiences.

      Of course each situation is different; each family is different and some clearly get it right. You’re lucky to have that.

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