Someone else’s life
6 Feb
How many of us are conditioned to follow a certain path and live our lives that way? Whose life are we living and are our decisions based on what we want and do our now decisions continue to revolve around someone else?
Although I woke up in my thirties to the fact that someone else was controlling my life, I wasn’t in a position to do anything about it… if I was, I would certainly be talking about a different outcome now.
Do you?
- Always put other people before yourself;
- You sit on the fence;
- You would rather someone else make a decision than have to make your own decisions;
- You say yes because it’s easier than saying no;
- If confronted you back down and go along with the consensus;
- Your main job is to keep others happy;
- You find it hard to disagree with anyone;
- You are unsure of your own preferences so are hesitant about what you want for yourself;
- Wait for someone to answer for you when you’re asked a question.
If some of the above points apply to you, you’re unfortunately living someone else’s life. I know that because all of the above points applied to me. When I opened my eyes and saw my problem I began to change everything, but still had lots of opposition to deal with. It wasn’t easy.
No one is comfortable with change, that much is true… but others are less comfortable when they’re own life is far from where they want to be and you get to change yours.
That said, my advice would always be to continue to live your own life, before someone else gets to call the shots full time on how they want you to live.
I used to be that way when I was married the first time. I opened my eyes one day and took control for the first time when people thought I was doing things that someone else wanted me to do; that I couldn’t have made the decision I did on my own, but I did.
I now feel that I have most of the control in my life. My husband lets me decide what I want to do and is behind me 100%. The only area that I don’t have control in is financial areas.
I found out I have less stress if I let my husband make the financial decisions. It does have its down side but I can handle those. I have also learned how to manage money better and don’t spend on useless things.
I still have to work on things though, because sometimes I find that I do some of the things on the list you have given.
Thanks Lisa. Living someone else’s life is a hard one! but what often happens (and this happened for me) is we get to the point where we begin to look at our lives and question ourselves a lot more about the changes we need to make.
I would think the problem most of us have is that unless we’re very unhappy we tend not to want to rock the boat. It’s easier not to say anything, than it is to confront the people we’re wanting to make the changes from.
I am so pleased for you. You have clearly found what works for you.
I think I qualify for most of what you stated above! I’ve spent the majority of my life letting others make decisions for me which has always made me very angry, but I usually felt like I wasn’t in a position to say anything about it.
I’ve spent so many years living this way that it’s hard for me to believe that I can actually live any differently. Even now it feels awkward to speak up for myself, which I know I have to do if I actually want to have a life of my own again.
I’m hoping and praying that the future will at least be somewhat different than the way I always used to live!
I think you’re right Randy, this is something you will have to do if you want to change your life so that you have more control in it.
It can be slightly awkward if you’re not used to it, but the more you speak out, the less awkward it will feel I am sure! I believe you can do it.
Because of my CP I was expected to take a certain path work wise. If I had know then what I know now I would have taken a completely different path, but what is done is done.
Also because I was single I had been told for years that it would be expected of me to look after my parents when they got old. I think this is and continues to be very unfair.
Just because I chose not to marry and have kids I could not have a life of my own.
I think you know what I am about to say Randy.
This has nothing to do with you choosing not to marry or have kids. We can make those choices and still get to live our own life. This is all down to your parents and their expectations of you. I’m not sure whether this is a cultural thing or not, but many parents who have themselves been raised in a particular culture put these expectations on their children.
In my opinion it’s a very self attitude and you’re right it’s very unfair.