As a child, I was a people pleaser. I used to go out of my way to please everyone. Looking back, I was looking for acceptance.
It’s what it was at the time, but in hindsight I can see that it didn’t do me any favours. When we work to fit our time into what others ask of us, people will always take advantage or manipulate our kindness because they can. What starts off as a kind gesture on our part, becomes a habit to others, because they know we’ll never say No.
What’s more it seems contagious, because it doesn’t always stop at one person. I didn’t know how to say no. I wasn’t forceful enough, but just because someone isn’t good at saying no, it doesn’t mean that someone else has a right to take advantage. It doesn’t put the other person in a particularly good light. I was bullied into doing things, because the people asking me, knew I would never say no.
For me things began to change, when I began to change my attitude. Our attitude sets the tone and helps us become clear in our expression of what we want. It also shows in our body language. The more positive your attitude, the less likely others will take advantage, the more you’ll stand up for yourself.
Although confidence plays a part in changing how we stand up to others, I still believe a permanent change of attitude is important. If we learn to perceive our lives so that our attitude changes, we will say no. We must challenge ourselves to change those all too familiar patterns.
Now if I choose to do something I’ll do it, just as I may choose not to do something. I dictate my own shots.