Support & opinions

Support should be the backbone to any relationship, but what happens when support isn’t support but someone’s opinions and their opinions become the most important thing in the relationship?

For me it would probably be time to re-think the relationship and how things are done. Sometimes opinions can be helpful, particularly if the other person we’re helping doesn’t recognise or see what we’re seeing and although opinions aren’t always bad, it’s often how they’re delivered that’s the problem. That’s when opinions aren’t always as welcome as we think.

It’s important we learn how to stand back and support others, without inflicting our opinions on them. Having to work with other people’s opinions, not only makes those relationships difficult, but can also make our lives difficult too.

When I look back on my own life, these thoughts are always uppermost in my mind, particularly when I see how my circumstances could and should have played out so differently from people who were supposed to support me instead of giving me their opinions.

I think it important for us to concentrate on the support element, where our opinions don’t become the focal point of the relationship. In many respects, it would be far easier for us to stand back and change the way we do things, before we’re told how others feel about our opinions.

Not everyone will know what to say and how to say it, without hurting our feelings.


6 Apr, 2014

6 thoughts on “Support & opinions

  1. I usually keep my opinions to myself and offer my support instead. The only exception is with my daughter. When I give her my opinion I usually offend her and she hangs up the phone in my ear!

    I guess I should just accept things with her and just offer my support. The problem with that is she wants my opinion but when she hears it she gets mad. I can’t win for losing with her! I love her so much and just want the best for her, but I think she doesn’t think she can do any better for herself and is now stuck in a bad spot. (That’s my opinion, anyway).

    I heard a lot of opinions when I was growing up especially when I was a teen, but I didn’t get the support either. I think I’ve turned out okay despite everyone’s opinion of me and how I used to live my life. I’m happy.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I think just offering support to your daughter is probably the best way, considering what you go through when you do offer your opinion.

      It’s the nature of how we are, there will always be those like your daughter who ask for an opinion, because they want to hear what we have to say, but then aren’t happy with the opinions we give.

      It’s often easier just to offer support, then there’s no room for the mandatory fall outs that follow.

  2. I welcome opinions, but you summed it up in a nutshell in the last sentence of your disquisition. It is the delivery and tone of one’s opinion is what I find disturbing and troubling at times.

    I normally offer my opinions in the form of a question. For example, “what do you think will happen if we did it this way,” “or do you think we should reconsider that thought?” My objective is to be supportive but not insulting, intrusive and overbearing.

  3. We never really got a lot of support growing up, but we always heard their opinions on what we should think and feel. It’s no wonder we’re all battling our demons in different ways considering the pressure we were under.

    My older siblings were able to escape as soon as they could, but I was the last one home so I think I got the brunt of their battle to win the hearts and minds of their children! I know that’s why it triggers me so badly when I hear parents yelling at their children.

    Subsequently I spent the majority of my life feeling like my opinion didn’t mean a whole lot. I usually just went along with whatever someone else wanted me to do, even when it wasn’t the right thing for me.

    My relationships have pretty much been very one sided which isn’t very fair to me. I’ve come to realize that when dealing with my daughter’s mother and the fact that she still doesn’t take me very seriously.

    Now I’m realizing my opinion does matter and I should be able to say what I need to say when I need to say it. I’ve tried very hard to learn the difference between my opinion and support, which can be a very hard thing to do sometimes.

    People don’t always appreciate when you try to force your opinion on them and I know it frustrates me to no end. The hardest part for me now is not to dwell on all the times when I let other people’s opinions sway me on my life decisions!

    1. I know two people who will resonate with your blog today and one of them is me!

      We’re in a world now whether opinions are aired. It’s important for us not to dwell on those times where that has happened and you’re right when you say you now realise your opinion matters.

      If you go on to say what you need to say others will have to sit up and listen. That needs to happen.

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