I have written a blog here on the site about my journey with Cerebral Palsy and how at the age of 46 I finally found out that is what I had been struggling with for all those years.
Rather late in the day. I also talked about the fact that it wasn’t a freak of nature that caused me to have Cerebral Palsy, but a costly mistake by the nursing staff on duty, leaving my mother for too long in the delivery room when giving birth to me when she had already given birth to my twin nearly an hour earlier.
This part of my life comes to mind today. Up until now although I had written down the facts I hadn’t given those facts a seconds thought, as I have had so much to think about with my website. In a way I see it as positive, because I had other things to deal with. I have my site and am grateful.
Without Cerebral Palsy this might never have happened, being catapulted on to a different path, to accept the different challenges open to me. My choices have been altered to fit around my Cerebral Palsy. Would I have had made the same choices? As far as the site is concerned Yes, this is my life now, but would my life be any different now without the Cerebral Palsy tag? I will never know because that isn’t my life.
The process where you grieve for the loss of something you don’t have, as a consequence of something that has happened to you. That is what I feel I’m doing. I was born with physical and emotional issues. Never being able to share my thoughts with the family I grew up with, is another loss.
Those things were never open to me. There are questions I will never have the answers for, the only answers I will have are those I answer in my head for myself.