The ties that bind

I have written a blog here on the site about my journey with Cerebral Palsy and how at the age of 46 I finally found out that is what I had been struggling with for all those years.

Rather late in the day. I also talked about the fact that it wasn’t a freak of nature that caused me to have Cerebral Palsy, but a costly mistake by the nursing staff on duty, leaving my mother for too long in the delivery room when giving birth to me when she had already given birth to my twin nearly an hour earlier.

This part of my life comes to mind today. Up until now although I had written down the facts I hadn’t given those facts a seconds thought, as I have had so much to think about with my website. In a way I see it as positive, because I had other things to deal with. I have my site and am grateful.

Without Cerebral Palsy this might never have happened, being catapulted on to a different path, to accept the different challenges open to me. My choices have been altered to fit around my Cerebral Palsy. Would I have had made the same choices? As far as the site is concerned Yes, this is my life now, but would my life be any different now without the Cerebral Palsy tag? I will never know because that isn’t my life.

The process where you grieve for the loss of something you don’t have, as a consequence of something that has happened to you. That is what I feel I’m doing. I was born with physical and emotional issues. Never being able to share my thoughts with the family I grew up with, is another loss.

Those things were never open to me. There are questions I will never have the answers for, the only answers I will have are those I answer in my head for myself.

22 Oct, 2010

4 thoughts on “The ties that bind

  1. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had diabetes. I’m sure it would be totally different. My parents’ life would also have been different.

    I can’t really blame anybody for my condition, unless it’s from being on cow’s milk as a baby, since they have linked this to the incidence of type 1 diabetes.

    I do grieve for the normal life but then there are things I wouldn’t have like my beautiful daughter and step-daughter.

    1. You are right in some of what you say Lisa. Our lives would have been completely different had we had nothing wrong with us as kids, but I also believe that a lot of good comes from having to deal with things others don’t have to deal with.

      I know I appreciate more of what I have because of my struggles as I am sure you do too. I don’t grieve as such for my loss from what’s normal, but I do often wonder whether I would have struggled less in my formative years taking CP out of the equation. It’s still a battle to grow up. Thanks for posting.

  2. I know my life would have taken a completely different path if it weren’t for my bipolar disorder and if I were to think about that it would probably be depressing.

    Instead I am thankful for all that I have learned in my lifetime and am especially glad to be where I am today, married to a wonderful woman and living each day to the fullest.

    1. I think you have hit the nail on the head Brian. When we have something that we work through in your case Bipolar, it makes us more humbled and more determined to live our lives to its fullest.

      I appreciate the little things in life. I’m not sure I would swap my life now. I have gained so much insight and that’s priceless. Glad you’ve found your niche too.

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