Unintentional hurt

The most common problems in any relationship is being emotionally wounded by those who unintentionally hurt us by their comments that may often seem intentional.

It’s not something we’re always consciously aware of. After any honeymoon period when complacency sets in, so too can other possible problems, such as taking people for granted and bringing up issues from our past that aren’t relevant to what’s going on presently.

Unfortunately, our lives continue to revolve around our past with some of us experiencing different degrees of trauma. Our personalities are then formed on those formative experiences. As adults and as we go on to form new relationships, we will unconsciously continue to replicate and play out any past traumatic experiences. It’s how the unconscious works.

For example, someone who has experienced chaos in their life may be unconsciously be uncomfortable with living a more peaceful life and might therefore go out of their way to continue to live with and create chaos, without understanding why.

We go back to what we know. It has been said that we unconsciously choose our partners who have similar personalities to those we’ve loved and who may have previously hurt us. Our emotional baggage is usually the reason why our paths are interlinked although on a conscious level we’re not aware that is what is happening.

However, if we make ourselves consciously aware of both our emotional baggage and our past, we will give ourselves the opportunity to work through and change who we choose to be around.

Changing our attitude, if we are presented with these kind of problems, will always allow us to deal with people and our issues better so that none of this becomes intentional. I don’t believe it ever is. Our unconscious makes it so.


18 Jul, 2012

2 thoughts on “Unintentional hurt

  1. I’ve had people do this to me, especially my mother believe it or not.

    My mother isn’t an awful person but I wasn’t her favorite and I really don’t think she new she was doing this to me. I felt horrible at the time and just thought she hated me, but I was a young teenager and misunderstood everything that was said to me.

    I try to be nice and if I ever say things like that to someone, I’m not intentionally doing it and I really don’t until much later that I do these things, then when I think about it, I get all upset because I did it and didn’t realise I had.

    1. I think that until we make a conscious connection we probably won’t know we are doing it as you say. It’s only when we replay the outcome in our heads that we know we have.

      I think like your mother I lot of us will behave in the same way. It’s just a shame she doesn’t realise how she behaves with you. I know you know she isn’t an awful person, but just think how much better your relationship would be if she didn’t behave in this way and how much better you would feel about her.

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