We choose not to see

As children, we live our lives without questioning our parents, siblings or our lives, their roles in our lives, however bad those roles turn out to be.

We just assume that what they say is for our greater good. It’s only ever at that point when we begin to struggle, that we seriously begin to question and see a whole new understanding of what greater good actually means.

Some of us may choose to do something about it by going back in to right a wrong, others may paint over the cracks as if nothing has happened, or others may choose to walk on eggshells to keep their relationships intact, so as not to rock the apple cart. Not everyone will see other people’s motives.

Simply choosing not to upset the applecart; either because we’re not great with change, or we’re not that great with confrontation and to confront would cause us more pain and stress; isn’t a reason not to confront. There is also another thought that perhaps the person we would like to confront, won’t accept what we tell them anyway.

We’re good at the familiar feeling, however uncomfortable. But we’ll always be in a bad place for it. We must see and choose to do something about it.


13 Apr, 2015

2 thoughts on “We choose not to see

  1. Yes, I have lived with blinders on for most of my life, which is why I can tolerate most things that would drive other people insane!

    My friend often asks me why I put up with what I do at home and the only reasonable answer I have, is that I’m actually used to it.”You live what you know,” is the expression I have come up with. My parents seemed to be experts at not seeing things that were right in front of them, so it shouldn’t be surprising that I learned to do the same thing.

    Even now I have a hard time writing about it, since I missed out on so much in my life by deliberately choosing not to see what was going on around me. It’s the kind of thing that allows people to walk past homeless people lying in the gutter and not even really notice them.

    The worst part for me is the fact that many of the problems I had during my life actually had simple solutions. I just didn’t know about them because, my parents didn’t teach me and I stubbornly refused to beg for help.

    People act like it’s so easy to just “get over it,” or “break the cycle,” but when you’ve been brainwashed, it isn’t that simple. On top of all that you have the guilt shame and remorse over things that had nothing to do with you.

    My parents piled their baggage on us and didn’t seem to understand how devastating that was. My daughter wants to know more about the family history; but I dread what else may come out of the closet as I do more research!

    In any case, I have tried taking off the blinders and I really don’t like what I see. It’s like coming out of a coma to the horrors of what the world has become. I often think of the Matrix movies where people were choosing to live in their dream worlds rather than face the alternative.

    My biggest fears have been for people to see me for who and what I am am, but in reality I’m not such a horrible person! “I’m not an animal,” as the Elephant Man says.

  2. Thanks Randy. I think I came out of denial about my own childhood, when I was in my mid thirties. I had become increasingly unhappy, but never stopped to question anything until I got to the point where I couldn’t productively carry on.

    I think people will always have their opinions of what we say and what we deal with, but will also have an allegiance with the very people we sometimes have a problem with. I used to be bothered what people thought, but came to realise I matter more.

    I think the more you are able to tell your daughter about your parents’ the more enlighten and free emotionally you will become. Of course it’s not to say that your daughter won’t take her grandparents’ side, but there is always a gamble.

    It would be more important for me to take the gamble even if that didn’t pay off, because the truth will always prevail in the longer term, even if it takes longer to get there. Eventually I believe we do.

    We must always speak our own truth, however much it hurts. People who know you well and care for you, won’t judge.

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